“Forget it. No son of mine will play football and abuse his body with drugs, booze, and loose women.” He pushed another chair over and stomped out going to his study where I could hear books fly off his study shelves. I had a confident feeling this week’s sermon would be about honoring the temple of the body or some ridiculous shit I didn’t believe in.
I looked up into my mother’s wounded eyes. Her arms hugged her middle, and she looked as lost as I felt. “Let’s get this cleaned up, Mom.” Tears streamed down her face and she shook, picking up the broken pieces of china.
“Evan, I’m sorry. He came home and went wild.”
“Sorry, Mom?”
She nodded, dislodging the short curls of her hair from behind her ears. Everyone in this house lived on a river of denial.
“I’ll get the dustpan.” She went to leave and I grabbed her arm to gently hold her back.
“Mom, I can’t keep taking the blame for you.” I loved my mother, but her recreational use of marijuana to deal with her stress and nerves was ruining my life.
“I know. I just wasn’t expecting him to come home early.”
“You need to divorce him. He makes you unhappy and he says shit things to you.”
“It’s not that easy, Evan. Marriage in the church is forever. I have the three of you to think about.” I doubted their divorce would faze Shelby or Brody one bit, but this was on her.
“Not if he’s an abusive asshole who verbally tears you down.”
“Please, he’s your father. You need to respect him.”
“Yeah, and maybe you need to get a clue. If this is marriage, then I’m never getting married. Fuck this.” I shrugged my mom off and let her resume cleaning up the mess she created on her own. I had to make plans of my own to make sure my dad didn’t ruin my athletic scholarship to school. I was not going to let him do this to me.
I would stick to the easy girls with no complications and do what made me happy. A wild bachelor life seemed like a good choice for me. No one to be responsible for or answer to. Life would be simple and I would take what I wanted with no strings attached.
Oh, I’d make sure the girls knew to not expect anything from me, and I would make sure my dad knew I was living a life full of sin and disappointment—in fact, the more the better. I might not fight back with him, but I would get him right in the holy-roller where it counted. Once I graduated and got the fuck out of there, I would make sure my mother got her shit together and stopped the drinking and smoking to deal with his bullshit. She might not ever divorce him. but I would make sure she wasn’t a victim to him either.
BACK TO THE PRESENT…
That memory stayed with me growing up and remained front and center in my mind as we walked down the sidewalk and up to my parents’ house. I held a bottle of red wine as a peace offering to my father. He’d stash it away from my mother as was the unspoken rule. Remi held Ethan in her arms, looking nervous.
“Ready to do this?” I asked her pinched face.
“One night, right?”
“Just one.” I smiled, trying to her ease her feelings. My family wasn’t something I talked about, but my mother had been on my ass for a family dinner. My sister, Shelby, was in Chicago on a layover to visit old friends before a job interview in Seattle. My brother hadn’t been home in fifteen years, not that I blamed him. His name was one that was never mentioned, but since Remi was in my life permanently, these would be topics we’d have to cover sooner rather than later.
Mom greeted us at the door, then ushered us inside. She cooed over Ethan and moved us into the dining room. My father followed close behind, a perpetual scowl on his face even as we sat and faced each other at the table.
“So, my son says you used to work before getting pregnant. What will you plan to do now?”
Everyone chewing their food stopped, placing their utensils down.
Remi’s voice was muted but clear. “I thought about going back to school.”
“And who would take care of your child while you’re in a classroom improving yourself.” He sat at the head of the table in judgement, but I wasn’t letting him tear her down.
“Dad,” I warned him.
He put up his hand and began anew. “No, Evan. I’m genuinely curious what this young lady thinks she’s bringing to the table here. You work hard without having to take on her baggage.”
Mom and Remi gasped. I slammed my hand down, jarring the table. “That’s enough.”
Ethan fussed in my old high chair, and Remi picked him up to soothe him. I rested my hand on his back and his face calmed down.
My girl surprised me by addressing us both directly. “Evan, it’s a fair question. Your dad cares about you, and I’m some girl you moved into your house. I get it. I do.” Remi put her hand over mine, stopping me from getting out of my chair. Her other arm held Ethan close to her chest as she shushed him from fretting loudly.