Honestly, it wasn’t much, but I understood that it was her home. Pride had a funny way of making us spite ourselves. It was knowing when to hold your cards, and when to fold them. Or in my case, outright lie because I was so going to hell for this. I just wasn’t feeling guilty enough that I would be visiting my dad at church over it. The lie flowed far too easily, and I knew I’d have to fabricate something later on to make this believable. It was a good thing I knew people who knew something about construction.
“I talked to Andy and David the other night.” Lie number one. “The place will be empty for a while because they were planning on renovating the building. It’s not really a safe place to live with a newborn. All the loud noise and dust.” Lie number two as I waved my hand around dramatically, mimicking dust particles. Admittedly, I didn’t know the extent of the renovations they were planning, which weren’t happening for months anyway, but it seemed like good timing. Andy and David couldn’t keep turning the sound system down every night, worried it might wake up the baby; if they started losing business, there wouldn’t be an Easton’s Pub to keep open. I convinced myself I was only lying to Remington for the greater good, especially if it made it easier for me to convince her to move in. Yeah, I was definitely going to hell for this. I hoped Dad was happy now.
“Well how come they haven’t said anything?” she asked. Her shrewd expression said she wasn’t fooled.
“Uh, because they were waiting on a permit and stuff. But it’s happening. Soonish. Sooner. More like in a couple days, I think.” More lies but I didn’t care. I’d figure it out later when I needed to ask for actual forgiveness. Besides, I’d text them later once I had her packed and in the car.
21
Remi
Biting my ripped nail clean to the skin, I said, “I’ll need to contribute something.” Anxiety rolled in my stomach, and I worried I had nothing to offer this man.
“Sweet girl, no, please. I’d be insulted if you tried to give me rent money or whatever is in your twisted mind right now.” A tortured expression covered his face. I wasn’t even sure he was being truthful with me. I’d call Andy and David to confirm. Moving was a big deal.
My chest ached with the knowledge his concern was out of pity or some misguided need to take care of me like the stray ginger cat I fed from the back lot. I grew angry and let my hormo
nes rule my mouth next.
“My twisted mind? No, it’s called not being a freeloader.” There was no way I could finish college, get a job, or do anything with an infant. I loved my son, but overwhelming helplessness along with Ethan’s colic and the crying all night had worn me down to a brittle moody stub. We were barely managing it together, making a team effort, and I couldn’t ask Evan to step in as our fantasy quarterback hero to save the day. Last time I did that, it hadn’t worked out so well and got me into this mess to begin with.
Evan stood up taller and his voice dropped down, making me feel funny. “I, uh, did not mean that the way it sounded.”
I’ll just bet he didn’t. Scowling, I turned around, trying to come up with a solution that would work for both of us. Desperation made you say crazy things.
Crazy untrue things.
“I, uh, can cook?” The lie spilled from my mouth like a question, and I waited for lightning to strike me dead. Unless you considered heating beans in a can on the hotplate with BBQ sauce from the clearance bin at the grocery store fine dining, this poor man was about to subject his stomach to potential listeria. I’d gotten pretty creative, but it’s nothing I’d feed actual people other than myself. I figured I had some time before Ethan would be subjected to that unfortunate lack of skill on my part, and now I was outright lying to a law enforcement officer.
Mom of the year, right here.
If I wasn’t so afraid of being judged, I’d hightail it to church for confessional.
“We’re not negotiating. Look if you like to cook, great, and if not, that’s okay too.” His sincerity broke me. This poor man had no idea what he was in for letting me live with him.
“I’m not sure you understand the short straw you’re drawing here, darlin’.” My south peeked in and seeing that Evan was a big guy, I bet he liked steak and things that had complicated recipes, or ingredients I couldn’t afford. This was why I was a vegetarian out of necessity, a bargain-bin, can-can-shopper, vegetarian. I saved money and the disappointment in having to cook food that formerly had a heartbeat. No desecration of dead on my part unless killer carrots were on the menu. The most violent I got was peeling open the can of diced pears in thick juice, making sure to not slice my finger again. Duct tape did not make good stitches.
Evan rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes darting around. “I don’t think you understand how lucky I’d be.”
Now who is lying?
“This can’t be permanent. I mean, what if you find a girlfriend?” My ultimate worry involved nightmares that Evan would find a girl he really loved, and then I’d go back to emotional Shitsville. I could handle being alone, being a single mom with just Ethan and me against the world. I could not handle having my heart ripped open because I started to depend on someone who didn’t want me.
Nobody in my life wanted me and when you got used to that, you didn’t open the door to heartbreak if you could help it.
“That’s a moot point, Remi.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and my hormones nearly jumped out of my skin to rub against the coarse hair and tattoos that covered his forearms. Kristen was right. I was a slut for arm porn and she would know. Yeah, I was irrevocably shameless when it came to this man.
“But you might,” I quietly reminded him.
His eyes narrowed and a draft in the studio carried his clean soap smell, obliterating the fight within me. If a clean, washed male was a drug, color me addicted. He was no Axe-wearing jock and for that, I melted into a puddle of girlish delight.
Evan sighed, patting my leg, and my eyes followed his hand. My brain repeated, keep it there, and I whimpered when he moved it away. “You’re just trying to pick our first roommate fight,” he said, scrunching up his nose in a way that should not make a grown man hot and delicious.
“Am not.” I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from flopping on the sofa.
“Are too, and anyway I’m hardly home, working shifts so you’d have the house to yourself. Really, you’d be doing me a favor keeping an eye on the place.”
“But Ethan cries at all hours right now. He’s got colic. We’d have to baby-proof everything like outlets and cabinets.” My chest hurt from my heart beating so hard. I racked my brain for every reason not to do this. Evan waved my concerns off as easy fixes despite me giving him the worst-case scenarios. He’d wear earplugs if Ethan cried after a nightshift. He reasoned that Ethan had months before crawling, and that he’d put in plug covers and cabinet locks, which he needed anyway. Damn man had an answer for everything. My hold on Ethan shifted, and he let out a whimper, letting me know he was unhappy.