Lucas shoved his hands back in his pockets and stepped back. “There’s no need to revisit the past.”
“Our past has been the third party in this marriage and I think we do need to revisit it,” she insisted, because now that she’d started, now that they’d grown closer, she needed him to know. “There’s a resentment and anger in you that wasn’t there before. I know all of that is my fault. I know I should’ve handled things differently. But I need you to understand—”
“That you handed me a damn note?” he yelled. “A note, Paisley.”
He never called her by her real name unless he was upset. Bringing up their past upset her as well, but until they resurrected that time and talked about it, she didn’t know how she could keep going. It was getting too difficult—the emotions, the memories. Her mind screamed at her to keep her distance, to not let this arrangement get any more complicated or emotional. But her heart, well, it had a mind of its own and had never fully closed back up from the gaping hole Lucas had left.
The void had been with her for years and now that she had him back, he filled that spot so perfectly. She’d always known there was nobody else, but how did she manage to hang on to what they had now? There was so much damage, so many variables out of her control.
She’d hurt him by leaving that note. But he had to understand, she’d ripped her own heart out as well.
“I couldn’t do it face-to-face,” she cried.
When he only stood there staring at her, Paisley grabbed the last gown and marched from the dressing room. With shaky hands, she hung it back on the rack and attempted to regain her composure.
“I never took you for a coward.”
Lucas’s low accusation had Paisley gasping and spinning to face him. “Maybe I was a coward, but maybe I was trying to put your needs ahead of my own. I know you don’t want to believe that, but I could never forgive myself if I was the reason you didn’t go after your dreams.”
That bright blue gaze held her. “Did you ever think maybe you were my dream? Did you stop to think that had you told me what happened, I would’ve found a way to make things work between us? Who says I had to give up anything?”
Maybe bringing up all of this was a mistake. Even after all these years, the hurt wrapped all around her heart, squeezing out every single emotion she’d felt back then.
Paisley had thought discussing old feelings and tending those wounds would help for their present and their future, but clearly she’d made a mistake.
“You know what? Forget it.” She held up her hands, admitting defeat because she simply couldn’t do this. “I just wanted you to know where I came from. I thought since we were...well, married, that maybe I should try to get you to understand. I can’t blame it all on your father for confronting me. I know I made the choice to break things off. But you have to know I did it because I loved you and I was scared.”
She started walking by him, but he reached for her arm. Paisley came to a halt, but didn’t turn to look at him.
“I didn’t come here to fight,” he murmured. “I really came to take you out to a nice dinner.”
A piece of her heart melted. Maybe they couldn’t rehash the past. Maybe at this point, all they could do was focus on who they were now and leave that young couple alone.
What if Lucas wasn’t working another angle? What if his sole purpose was to get her to give him a child? Could that be all? Granted that was a huge deal, but he could’ve turned her away in his office and found another woman to start a family with. A successful, wealthy, sexy man like him would certainly have his choice.
“Where are we going?” she asked, trying to salvage their evening and end an argument.
Lucas smiled and her heart fluttered. “I have a surprise for you.”
Thirteen
“I think these turned out rather great.”
Lucas held up the colorful strip of photos and admired them. Well, they were a little off center, but what else did he expect from a shopping mall photo booth?
“Let me see.” Paisley laughed as she reached for them. She took one look and laughed even harder. “Half of my face is missing from this one and the bottom picture looks like our mug shots.”