“He sent me a kiss.” I’m sure I’m grinning like a schoolgirl and I fight the urge to press my palms to my overheated cheeks.
I glance at Karen, and chuckle when she shakes her head. “The reaction of a grown woman.”
“Oh, you hush up.”
Feeling as though I’m all fingers and thumbs, I shoot him a message back.
So did I. Do you want to grab coffee sometime? S x
I hardly breathe while I wait for his message and, when it comes through I nearly drop my cell.
I’d love to meet for coffee. Date & time? J x
“I suggested we meet for coffee and he said yes. What should I say? And what the hell am I doing? I shouldn’t be seeing Jace when I’m still engaged to Richard.” I feel tears threatening.
“Then I think it’s time you talk to Richard, don’t you?”
Karen is right, as usual.
“Okay, I’ll message Richard to find out when the best time is to meet him. I don’t want to tell him at my house because it might be more difficult to get rid of him if he doesn’t like what I have to say.” I pause and bite my lip as I think about how he will react. It’s safer to do it in public. “But I don’t have the heart to tell him in public.” I sigh aloud. “Ugh, my life is too damn complicated.”
“That it is, my girl. But a few months from now, you’ll look back and hopefully sigh in relief because you’ll be happy with the man that you’re supposed to be with.”
Karen always knows what to say to stop the gloom from settling in. I just wish that I could be more, I don’t know, outgoing.
“As much as I shouldn’t be encouraging you right now,” she gives me a soft smile, “I think you need to reply to that text message and tell him what he wants to hear. If you don’t, you might regret it.”
“I don’t have anything to feel badly over when it’s just coffee, right?” I don’t wait for her to reply because I’m really asking myself the question. If I have anything to feel guilty over, then it should be for the few hours that I spent in Jace’s arms on his sofa last night.
After a few more messages going back and forth with Jace, we agree to meet three hours from now in a coffee shop that is close to his brother’s roadhouse. He must be visiting family, maybe. Or, like me, he could want to make sure we have our privacy without being seen.
I’m not sure I’m made for sneaking around because my gut is churning now that I’ve agreed.
“Look behind you,” Karen breaks into my nervousness and startles me. Turning, everything else is forgotten when I see Tammy clutching her bunny with her thumb in her mouth, staring at me.
I smile and hold my arms out toward her. I’m delighted, and feel close to tears, when she launches herself into my arms.
“Oh, sweet baby girl. I’ve missed you.” I hold her tight, and place a kiss on her forehead. “You smell like strawberries.”
“Karen washed my hair, and I played with bubbles in the bath.”
I glance at Karen, and see her eyes fill with tears, which she manages to blink away.
“That you did, Tammy…Bath time was fun last night. I can’t remember the last time I bathed someone and actually enjoyed it.”
“I liked you bathing me,” she says to Karen before she takes my face into her hands, the ears of her bunny clutched in one of her hands, and says, “but next time will you bathe me?”
My heart breaks a little bit more at the longing in this little girl. Every time I have to walk away and leave her, I feel like I’m hurting her. I seriously want to wrap her up in my arms and take her with me. I’d keep her forever if I could, and Karen knows this.
“I’m sure that can be arranged.” I kiss her on the forehead. “What do you have planned for today?”
While she tells me about a teddy bears picnic, I can’t stop the idea of trying to keep her, legally, from rolling around in my head. It’s been something that I’ve been thinking about from the first moment I laid eyes on her.
Although I’ve been vetted by the home before I was allowed through the doors as a volunteer, I’m not sure my life is suitable for a small child.
&nbs
p; I know a lot of couples these days go out to work and use childcare facilities to look after their children, but, when going for legal guardianship or through an adoption process, the court wants to make sure that all the child’s needs will be met. I’m just not sure how I can do that when I work every day, except weekends and school vacations. I have some money saved, but I’m not sure it’s enough, especially if I have to pay a lawyer. It’s something to think about and, maybe, talk to Karen about. She’ll know the way to go, and if it’s possible.