The door was open just a crack to let in the fresh night air, although the light was off. He looked up at the moon, realizing it was quite late. She'd probably been asleep for hours.
He sat on the bench, staring up into the night sky and thinking. Calvin. Damn he hated that man. He had beaten Sarai, terrorized her and the children. He had controlled their every move on that little asteroid mining station. She hadn't seen anyone else for months at a time.
Realization hit him.
If he took Sarai to Saurellia against her will he'd lose any chance of ever winning her love. It was so obvious, he felt like hitting himself in the head. How could he have missed it?
Sarai was afraid to lose her independence, and she was using their sexual relationship to protect her from any kind of emotional dependence on him. As long as it was just sex, her independence wasn't in jeopardy.
He was a dolt, a complete idiot. Pushing her for sex had given her the excuse she needed to keep him distant. With a clenching feeling in his stomach, Jax realized he was going to have to put the sex on hold.
He only had one week left, and in the time he was going to have to convince her she wanted him for more than just the physical pleasure he could give her.
He had to convince her to take him as her partner, her equal.
"Shit," he murmured into the darkness. It wasn't going to be easy.
* * * * *
Sarai lay alone in the darkness, wishing desperately that Jax had come home. She couldn't believe she'd said such horrible things to him. Of course, it had worked. He was gone. That was what she wanted. But now she was finding it almost impossible to fall asleep without him, and just kept thinking about the look on his face as she'd screamed at him
He really hadn't done anything to deserve that. He wasn't going to steal her away, Saurellian law or not.
She knew it instinctively. He cared about her and the children too much to hurt them like that.
So why are you so afraid of him?She asked herself. He's not Calvin.
So maybe not all men were like Calvin. She had come to realize that, started to realize it a long time ago. Before she even met Jax. But she still couldn't quite bring herself to let go of that fear, to put herself into a man's power. It was such a gamble, trusting a man. Was she willing to risk her children's future on Jax? For all his talk of being a life mate, she hardly knew the man.
She rolled over in bed, punching at her pillow and trying to find a cool spot. Jax wasn't with her, and as far she could tell, he wasn't up in his room. She'd been listening. He hadn't taken his things, so she knew he'd be back, at least long enough to pack. She didn't expect him to stick around any longer. Sure, he still had another week of their little "bargain," but now that he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere, he'd be leaving.
Against her will, she sniffed. Her nose was getting stuffed up, she thought in disgust. Her eyes were watering, too. Probably just allergies. One of the bushes outside her window was blooming. She'd have to start sleeping with the door closed. It was a shame, really, because she loved the night air.
She snuffled again, and this time her eyes watered more. She crushed her head down into the pillow and gave in to reality. She missed him already. The thought of him leaving was horrid. Sobs tore through her and she whimpered into the darkness of her room. How was she going to live without him?
Chapter Seven
"Good morning, Sarai," Jax said as he walked into the kitchen. He had a bit of a headache, and the bright light made him want to wince. He wasn't going to show it, though. He already felt stupid about drinking the night before. A lecture was the last thing he needed.
"Good morning, Jax," she replied from her seat at the table, not looking at him. The two children watched them with interest.
"How come you didn't sleep with mommy last night, Jax?" Mali asked brightly. Sarai dropped her spoon with a clatter and Jax coughed.
"What do you mean, sweetheart?" Sarai asked, her voice deceptively soft. Jax could tell the question made her angry.
"We're not stupid, you know," Able said, putting down his own spoon. He looked at them smugly.
"Mali and I know all about where Jax has been sleeping. We've been watching you guys. You're caught."
"Well, I won't be sleeping with Sarai any more," Jax said quietly. "Not unless she decides she wants to keep me for good. I love her very much, and I want to marry her."
"Jax—"Sarai tried to say, but Mali cut her off.
"If you marry mommy, will you be our daddy?" she asked, licking her spoon thoughtfully.
"If you'll let me," Jax said, catching Sarai's eyes. She looked livid, but he didn't care. She'd changed the rules last night. She hadn't been fighting fair, and now he was done fighting fair. He'd do whatever he could to wind his way into her life, whether she liked it or not. He only had a week; there wasn't any time to mess around. If that meant using the children against her, he'd do it.
"I would let you," Mali said with a shy smile.
"Well, I won't," Able said. "You may not be as bad as our father was, but we still don't need you here."
Sarai and Jax both looked at the boy in surprise.
"You think Jax is better than your father was?" Sarai asked quietly. "I didn't realize you were comparing them, Able. They're two very different people, you know. Jax would never do the things your father did."
A wave of warmth swept through Jax. No matter what she said, at least Sarai knew he was better than Calvin.
"I know that," Able said, looking at Jax as if taking his measure. It was the same look he had given him in the garden after he'd attacked him, Jax thought. Clearly, their talk had given the boy something to think about. "But what you need to understand is that you don't need him, Mom. You have me. I'll take care of you and Mali."
"I know that," Sarai said, her face flushing. "You've always done a good job of taking care of me, Able."
"And Mali," Able added.
"And Mali," Sarai repeated softly.
"Mommy, I'm done with my cereal," Mali announced. "I want to go outside now. Did you know that we don't have any lessons today, Jax? We just get to play all day long because our teacher has to go to the spaceport. Are you going to come and play with us?"
"Sure," Jax said lightly. "Why don't we go on a picnic? I'm sure that your mother would like to join us, too."
"I don't think—" Sarai tried to break in, glaring at him, but Mali squealed with delight, cutting her off.
"We're going on a picnic! Can we go swimming? Mommy says we can't go swimming unless we have grownups with us, but Kally's daddy takes us swimming sometimes. Will you take us swimming?"