Hopefully she learned a fucking lesson from this.
The rational mind of me knew they were resilient. This would hurt them now, but as the days went on they would heal. Children were wonderful that way. Always healing and forgetting better than adults ever could. But watching them cry into a woman I wanted to stay. A woman I wanted to keep waking up to and enjoying life with.
It was a little too much for me to handle as well.
“That’s enough,” I said as Natasha looked up at me.
Her watery eyes flickered up to mine before she released my children.
“When are you leaving?” Nathaniel asked.
“My plane leaves for Africa in three days,” Natasha said.
“Will you come back and play with us one more time?” Joshua said.
“I’m not sure if that’s smart,” Natasha said. “I don’t want to step on the other nanny’s toes.”
“Please?” Clara asked.
I watched her cup my daughter’s cheek as her thumb caught Clara’s tears.
“No,” Natasha said. “I can’t come play.”
My heart shattered. My daughter turned into me and wrapped her body around my leg. The boys took a step back, like they’d been slapped across the face.
I had no idea how I was going to pick up these pieces.
I watched Natasha stand as a tear fell down her cheek. I thought about offering to take her to the airport, but I knew it would be too hard to say goodbye. If the kids found out I had seen her and they hadn’t gotten the chance to, it would kill them. It would make them sadder and angrier than they already were at the situation.
And it wasn’t a guarantee I’d be able to let Natasha go if I went with her.
“I’m sorry,” Natasha said breathlessly.
I shook my head as a haphazard smile crossed my cheeks.
“Good luck,” I said. “And I mean that.”
“Do you?” Natasha asked. “Do you really?”
My eyes connected with hers and my heart sank to my toes. She had captivated me in every single way my wife had. Intellectually. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. She was everything I could’ve asked for the second time around.
Hell, she was everything I could’ve asked for the first time around.
I took a step forward as my children released me. I watched Natasha take a step back before her body stopped. I leaned forward into her cheek and puckered my lips, then kissed the tear trail on her face. I wiped it away with my lips before our noses nuzzled together, then our foreheads connected.
I breathed her in one last time before I stepped back to be with my kids.
“Have a safe flight,” I said.
Then I ushered everyone into the house and left her on the porch.
I sat the kids at the dinner table and got them all a snack. Some grapes, some cheese, and some apple juice. They were all emotionally drained. We all were, really. I could see the anguish in their eyes and the defeated stance of their shoulders. They mindlessly ate as I leaned against the kitchen counter, my mind reeling from what had happened.
Should I go after her?
Should I beg her not to go?
I grabbed an apple from the fruit holder and walked into the living room. I peered out the window and saw Natasha’s car still sitting there. I furrowed my brow as the car rocked on its chassis, swaying side to side.