My mind was still reliving the event of that night almost a year ago.
Luke had lived, although his injuries had changed his life forever and left him no longer able to serve his country. They told me it was because of my efforts he had survived.
Every time I was told I was instrumental in saving someone’s life I felt a rush of pride but it was also accompanied by an insidious wash of guilt.
There was no going back with my dad. I would never be able to save him no matter how many others I helped.
Panic suddenly tightened my chest, making it hard to breathe. Even though I knew there was no one else in the apartment with me, I could hear voices calling out to me to save their life. Others blamed me for failing them. My father’s voice was the loudest of all.
I recognized the onset of the PTSD attack and quickly got out of bed, trying to block out the voices. I went into the bathroom, grabbed the prescription pills out of the medicine cabinet and filled a glass with water from the sink.
My hands were shaking and it took a few tries before I was able to open the small tube of white pills.
I threw the pills into my mouth and chased them back with the entire glass of water.
I just stood there for long minutes after, trying to calm my mind and center myself in the here and now.
My diagnosis of PTSD was part of the reason I got out of the military. The other was wanting to pursue a career as a doctor.
Eventually the voices quieted, and I was able to think clearly again.
I looked at the simple digital watch on my right wrist. It was after four AM and I knew there was no hope of me getting any more sleep before the sun rose.
Besides, being inside my small apartment, I felt claustrophobic after the panic attack. I needed to get out.
I donned sweat pants and a hoodie over the pair of boxer briefs I had slept in. With keys and cell phone in my pocket and headphones in my ears, I headed out the door.
I ran for several miles before my mind cleared and I was just able to enjoy the crisp early morning air.
I returned to my apartment just after six AM and immediately headed for the shower to wash off the sweat from my skin.
The heated water beat down on my head and shoulders. Hands braced against the tiled wall and head down, I was able to think about something other than death and war and of course, my thoughts turned to Hailey.
Instantly, my dick became hard and my heart beat quickened for an entirely different reason. My eyes closed and I imagined her face as she orgasmed on top of me. The image filled every corner of my mind, chasing away the shadows it held moments ago. I had wanted to spend the rest of the night bringing that look of bliss to her face. Our time together had ended far too soon.
After our friends with benefits agreement less than twelve hours ago, she had answered her cell phone instead of continuing our interlude. After a whispered conversation that had me all kinds of jealous, she hightailed it out of my apartment without an explanation.
I hadn’t asked if she was seeing anyone. Was that her reason for resisting the obvious connection between us? She made me fucking crazy. I just wanted her for myself.
Eyes still closed, I wrapped my mind in the passion we shared earlier. I remembered the hot silken feeling of being inside her snug body. I remembered the way she responded to my every touch and word. She had been so open and generous with her wants. With her body. In her eyes, I thought I saw my every desire, physical and otherwise, reflected there.
I could come from just remembering those few stolen moments we had.
I didn’t remember grabbing hold of my dick but I hissed from the contact of my hand on the pulsing flesh.
My soapy hand gripped my swollen length tight and stroked hard. My hips jerked to the movements of my hand. My release rushed towards the surface.
“Hailey,” I groaned her name as I came. The sound was drawn out and low. Filled with longing.
My cum spurted from me, mixing with the falling water to run down the drain. It felt like I came forever yet it was over far too soon.
Energy suddenly depleted I sagged against the wall then looked down at myself ruefully.
My cock was still hard and pulsing like an angry snake. Despite my orgasm, I was still aroused, my fist a poor imitation of the heated clasp of her body.
After my release within Hailey’s body, my heart told me what I already knew but didn’t want to admit. I still had feelings for her. I was an idiot to have ever let her go but I wasn’t going to let her get away from me a second time.
My normal defenses were down once I found satisfaction in her body and I began imagining how things would be like they used to be. Better in fact, if the wa