My heart had ached when I saw his injuries even though he had tried to play them off, even going so far as to decline medical attention.
I hadn’t accepted that and had demanded he be seen by a doctor. He had finally agreed when he saw I wouldn’t budge on this and he had been declared not too worse to wear at the hospital.
He was sitting next to me in my car now. He was going to spend the night at my place. He and Dad had a fight. Dad questioned his decisions as of late and Joe hadn’t taken it well. Everyone was very emotional and I thought it best if Joe came with me so the two of them could have a chance to cool off.
I agreed with my dad for once though. Joe’s choices didn’t reflect the smart, level-headed person I knew him to be.
I didn’t interrupt the silence in the car because I honestly had no clue what to say to my brother about his choices. He didn’t need another person breathing down his back right now so I left the conversation for another time.
I glanced at the dashboard. I read the time of the digital clock and mentally confirmed that I had to pick up Noah from daycare soon.
I also realized that I missed all my classes for today and mostly importantly, my talk with Wyatt to reveal that we had a son together.
I got nervous just thinking about it. My hands became sweaty and my stomach clenched.
I found out I was pregnant just after Wyatt had left for the military. I had been heartbroken when he left so suddenly. I had stopped caring for myself and went through life on automatic.
Finding out I was carrying his child had been at once devastating and yet a moment that I remembered with happiness even though I knew my life had just become ten times harder.
I tried to imagine how Wyatt would take the news. We had been careful and I had never missed a day in taking the pill while we were together.
I didn’t think he would welcome the news. Not with the way he left.
I hadn’t wanted to tell him through a letter, email, or even over the phone. This seemed like in person sort of news to deliver.
I had sent him one email with a single line that he never responded to or acted on.
We need to talk. Please contact me when you’re in town.
He came home rarely and we never ran into each other.
As time passed, there also came many missed opportunities to tell him. Then I worried that he would try to take Noah from me or that we would have a nasty custody issue.
It became easier to just keep the news to myself.
Until now…
Would he understand why I kept it a secret for so long? Or would he make me pay for my decision to keep the knowledge of his child to myself?
I pushed the matter to the back of my mind. I could only deal with one thing at a time. The brooding boy next to me needed my attention now.
A few minutes later, we arrived at my place. I told him to make himself comfortable while I went to pick up Noah.
“We’ll talk when I get back,” I said.
“I know you’re mad at me,” Joe said and I stopped in my tracks on the way to the door.
He said it like the words could no longer be contained and I turned back to him.
I was honest when I replied, “I am, but I love you, Joe. Nothing will ever change that. I just wished you would have trusted me to help you.”
He looked down shamefaced. He seemed so young and lost in that moment and I had to go to him. I pulled him in for a hug even though he stood almost a foot taller than me.
He buried his head against my shoulder and let out a shuddering breath.
“Sis, I knew I should have come to you. It’s just my head was so wrapped up in this girl and she didn’t want me to tell anyone. I promised her that I wouldn’t and I couldn’t go back on my word.”
I admired his strength of character even though he was in a difficult situation. I patted his back comfortingly and told him, “I understand. Love makes us do crazy things sometimes.”