Just as quickly as I started moving, I stopped. I shook my head and turned around. I half-ran back to the street. My legs protested, my body longed to go back to the door, but I pushed harder against myself until I was sprinting down the street. I ran hard and fast, not stopping until I was all the way back home. My feet felt like lead, but I forced them to keep moving until I was safely back inside my bedroom. I couldn’t believe what I’d almost done.
Walking up to the Prewitt’s door at two in the morning because I thought Piper might be inside? What good would that have done? I could only imagine the look on Mr. Prewitt’s face if he’d opened the door.
I threw myself on my bed and sighed. I felt like I was losing my mind. After waking up in a panicked sweat the last thing I needed was to confront Piper after all these years. Besides, I didn’t even know if she was home. It was just a feeling after all, just an old instinct that told me she was there.
I forced my eyes closed and told myself I was imagining it. There probably hadn’t even been a light on in that room. I was seeing things. Shit. My mind was playing tricks on me.
After dreams about that night with Young I always felt shaken and confused. Running was the only thing that cleared my mind. I told myself I was probably still shaken up when I passed Piper’s house. I was hoping to see her, that was all.
Sleep continued to evade me for the rest of the night, but I remained still. My head was pressed against my pillow and my blanket was wrapped tightly around my body. Whenever I got the urge to leave my bed, I pulled it even tighter. I told myself it would hold me together, keep my mind and my body in check, but I knew that wasn’t true. I knew nothing could hold me together anymore.
Five
Piper
“You aren’t ready yet?!” Audra’s annoyed voice snapped me out of my daydream.
“I was having a nice moment and you just ruined it,” I said as I turned around to glare at her.
“A nice moment? You were staring out the window.”
“Exactly. It was peaceful until you showed up.”
“Cry me a river,” Audra said with a roll of her eyes. “Get dressed. We have to leave in ten minutes. Mom and Dad are already freaking out that we’ll be late.”
“They’ve been freaking out since I got here, what else is new?”
“Just hurry. Please,” Audra hissed.
“Well, since you said please,” I teased. I walked over to the closet and pulled the door open. I grew up in this room and had unpacked my things the night before, but I still felt like I was living in someone else’s home. The five years since I’d last slept in that bed and opened that closet door had put up a permanent wall between me and my parent’s home. Nothing felt like mine.
I pulled out a dark dress and some heels. Laying them on the bed, I stripped down to my underwear without realizing my sister was still in my doorway.
“What?” I snapped, “I’m getting dressed.”
“Don’t you own anything black?” Audra asked, her eyes glued to my dress.
“That is black,” I explained with a shake of my head.
“No, Piper, that’s blue,” Audra said. She walked over and picked up the dress. She held it up to my nose.
I took a step away from her and rolled my eyes.
“Fine,” I said. “It’s blue, but it’s a navy blue so no one will be able to tell the difference.”
“You didn’t pack a black dress?” Audra’s voice was beginning to gain it’s mothering quality. The last thing I needed was a full-on Audra-style lecture right before a funeral.
“I must have grabbed the wrong one,” I shrugged.
“Haven’t you heard?” A voice called from the hallway. “Navy is the new black in New York City. Our Piper here has to stay up on the latest fashion trends if she wants to stick it out in the bit city.”
“Thanks for that, Aunt Miriam,” I called back.
I caught Audra’s eye and we both erupted into silent giggled. Just like that, all tension faded from the room and Audra helped me step into my dress without any further comment. She zipped me up and leaned against the dresser while I slipped on my shoes.
“So, tell me,” she began, her tone suddenly serious. “How is it being back?”
“Honestly, Aud, I don’t know.” I shook my head and gestured around the room, “All of this, it just feels surreal. It feels like an entirely different life. I’m not the same girl I was when I lived here.”