“Kind of like when Mommy got the chance to be a lawyer, right Mom?”
“Exactly,” Piper answered. She walked over and sat down with us on the floor. “Sometimes adults have to figure out what they want to do with their lives before they can be together. Does that make sense?”
“Are you going to be together now?” Lilliana asked.
I inhaled and waited for Piper’s response, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she just looked at me. The expression on her face was one of confusion and worry. She didn’t want to give the wrong answer and hurt Lilliana, but she also didn’t want to get her hopes up if we weren’t going to try again.
“That’s something your mom and I need to talk about a little bit,” I told her. “But, I can promise you that I’ll be around a lot. If that’s okay with you?”
“Like a real daddy?” Lilliana asked. Her face lit up with happiness and my heart melted instantly.
“Just like that,” I promised. I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She smiled at me before she pushed a doll into Piper’s hands.
“Here Mom,” she said. “If you’re going to be down here, you have to play. You can be Tiffany. She’s the surgeon.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon just playing dolls and talking. I learned all about Lilliana’s friends back in New York and how much she desperately wanted a dog. Piper said they didn’t have room for one, but Lilliana insisted that they could just get a really, really small one. I laughed more than I had in years. My smile never faltered. For the first time since Young died, I really felt like myself again.
After a while, I sat back and watched Piper play with Lilliana. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. My eyes shifted from Piper’s face to Lilliana’s. I compared their expressions and their voices. They were what I’d been looking for all these years.
I left town to be a SEAL, to fulfill a dream I’d had my entire life. While I was away, I felt sure of myself. I was strong and happy until I wasn’t. When things shifted it knocked my world off its axis and it wasn’t until I saw Piper again that things began to spin normally again.
Piper and Lilliana.
They were my life.
Twenty- Six
Piper
We walked through the door of my parents’ house. It was empty, my mom and dad wouldn’t be back for a few more hours. We’d already eaten dinner at Audra’s and I knew Logan was dying to talk to me alone. Throughout the entire car ride he watched my face closely. He didn’t bother to hide it. I glanced at him briefly, silently telling him we would talk as soon as we could be alone.
“It’s been awhile since I’ve been inside this place,” Logan laughed. “It hasn’t changed much.”
“Mom and Dad are creatures of habit,” I shrugged. “Lili, why don’t you play outside for a while? Stay in the backyard and I’ll come get you when it’s time for bed, okay?”
“Okay!” Lili bounced away and disappeared through the back door. I turned to face Logan who was still watching me like I was about to run away from him any minute.
“So,” I said. “Want to sit down?”
“Sure,” Logan shrugged. We sat on the couch and turned to face each other. I tucked my feet underneath me and cleared my throat. “Go ahead. I know you’re dying to ask me a million questions.”
“I’m not,” Logan shook his head. “I have questions, but I really just wanted to say thank you.”
“Thank you?” I frowned. That wasn’t at all what I expected. “For what?”
“For letting me see her,” he said. “For telling me about her. For letting me spend time with her. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“I do,” I said. “I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. You were right earlier, you did deserve to know. Whatever else happened between us, I shouldn’t have hidden her from you. That wasn’t fair.”
“I understand why you did it,” Logan said. I searched his face for a sign of sarcasm, but there was nothing but sincerity. “I wasn’t the best person back then. I was selfish and impulsive. I loved you so much, but I couldn’t see past my own needs and wants long enough to really give us a chance. I know how much I hurt you when I left.”
“That’s still not an excuse,” I argued. I couldn’t let him take all the blame for how things ended between us. So much of it was my fault, too. “I walked out of Kellan’s that night. You were trying to tell me how you felt and I didn’t let you. I was just so angry and so hurt that I couldn’t stand to look at you for another second. When I ran it wasn’t because you did anything wrong, it was because I was too weak to face the pain.”
“We can argue about whose fault it was all night,” Logan said. “Or we can just talk about the future. What happens now?”
“What do you mean?” I asked. My stomach wiggled nervously. I knew this conversation was coming, but I wasn’t sure how to proceed. What if Logan still wanted us to run away together? Or what if he wanted custody? What did that look like?
“How do we navigate our new situation?” Logan asked. “Now that Lilliana knows about me and I know about her, I can’t stay away. I want to be in her life, Piper. I have to be.”