This level of scrutiny had made me paranoid, and it had only been a few hours since the news broke.
The driver took me downtown to one of the hotels on the water. It was the perfect San Diego scene. Romantic and magical. The lights sparkled on the water. But all I could think about was what Wes and I had to face. He was waiting for me. He had actually said on the phone that he needed me.
I straightened my shoulders and walked through the revolving door.
I knocked softly on the door. It opened, and Wes’s massive shoulders filled the frame.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Doc.” He pulled me inside, crushing my mouth with his lips. “Welcome to San Diego.”
I didn’t want to let go. I hadn’t seen him in days, and it felt good to be in his arms. To feel his strength wrap around me. He was warm and safe. I forgot about the storm brewing outside and just listened to his heart beat against his chest.
“I missed you.” I tipped forward on my toes to touch his lips again.
“It’s been a hell of a week here.” He took the bag off my shoulder and rolled my suitcase into the bedroom. “I already have a glass of wine for you.”
I twisted my lip. “I don’t think so. Maybe some ice water. Still feeling a little queasy from the flight. We had a lot of turbulence.” I couldn’t believe I had made that up, but I wasn’t going to scare him for no reason.
“Uhh, okay.” He dropped a few cubes and poured water into the crystal glass. “Here you go.”
“So, what’s the latest? What did your agent say?” I sat on the couch and waited.
“Lennon, I have to tell you. I want to tell you all of it.”
“Okay. What’s the plan?”
“I’m not talking about the plan and how I’m digging myself out of this fucking hole. I’m talking about the truth. The truth you asked for weeks ago.”
I stared at him. His jaw was set in determination. “I’ve been taking HGH. Injections in my thigh.” He sat next to me. “And I had a procedure done by a doctor to fuse my bones together with a gel.”
“Oh my God.”
“I know. I know you think I’ve crossed a line and I did. Hell. I knew what I was doing. And I didn’t care. I wanted to win. I wanted to be here at the Super Bowl. It was all I could think about. All I could dream about.”
“And now? Do you still think it was worth it?” I asked quietly.
“Maybe.” He hung his head. “That’s the thing. I still want to win. And if it wasn’t for this damn reporter, I wouldn’t think anything about it. I’m only worried about being caught. I’m not sorry about the drugs or the procedure.” He cupped my cheeks between his hands. “And I want to be able to tell you I’m sorry. I know you think it’s wrong. And I play dirty. I cheated. I only care what you think about me. I don’t give a damn about the rest of the world. But I don’t want you to look at me thinking I’m a liar. Because with you, I’m not.”
“Are you going to admit what you did?”
He dropped the warmth against my cheek. “No. Why would I do that?”
“To own up to it. To be honest with the AFA and your fans.”
“Before I left Sunday, we said something to each other.”
I’d never forget it. The way the word had rolled off his tongue. The moment I knew he owned more than just my body.
I nodded my head.
“And I do. I love you, Lennon. But you can’t ask me to do this. I’m not going public. My agent has a way to kill the story and the investigation. It’s going to take a huge chunk of my savings, but I’ve got new endorsements lined up. I’ll recover the money in three months, tops.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You’re not serious. You’re going to live with this lie?”
“It’s done. My hand is healed. I deserve to play in the Super Bowl. If I confess, it will ruin every man’s life on the Wranglers. Their kids’ lives. Their wives’ lives. I’m not going to do that to them just because you think it would make me an instantly morally acceptable man.”
I closed my eyes. This wasn’t the way I thought it would go. I thought the plan would be to hold a press conference and explain the medical transformation that had taken place. I thought he would want honesty and forgiveness.