“You?
??re such a jerk, you know I’ve always had an appetite.”
“That was some decent eatin’, though. Lookin’ forward to watchin’ you slosh lunch all over your shirt.”
I slapped him playfully on his chest, and he grasped my hand within his. He brought it to his lips and kissed the top of my skin, and I felt my breath catch in my throat before he tilted my chin up towards him and captured my lips in a sweet, resounding kiss.
“I’ll be in just before lunch to make us somethin’,” he said lowly.
“I could make us something if you’d like.”
“Don’t bother yourself with it, it’ll probably just be sandwiches and chips.”
“Let me do something for you, Flynn,” I asked.
“What makes you think you don’t already?”
He kissed my forehead as a blush crept down my neck, and I watched him go out to his farm as he began tending to all his animals. I watched him groom and feed his horses before he moved to check the bulls, and when he let them all out to pasture, I saw him disappear into the heifer den, probably to milk them down and check on the ones carrying calves. He was in there for a while, so I retreated back upstairs to take a shower, and that’s when my mind began to race. I thought about the conversation ahead of us that would eventually occur and all the questions I knew he would ask, and I felt tears crest my eyes at the very idea of accusing him of holding me back.
My common sense told me he never would’ve, but my fears told me to not take the chance.
I had no idea how I was going to broach the conversation, but what I did know was that Flynn deserved answers I’d been holding on to for many years. I also knew that I’d fallen right back in love with him and that not a night had gone by that I hadn’t yearned for him to stay with me. The few nights he did retreat back to his room were nights I struggled to sleep and woke up feeling cold, and I knew that when I carried all this back to Paris with me, it would take me weeks to reorient myself.
Just like it did when I left him five years ago.
I had to go back to Paris, my entire life and career were there. But it made me so sick to think of leaving him that I tumbled out of the shower and threw myself into the toilet. The breakfast I had indeed wolfed down came barking back up the tree, and when I was done heaving, I wiped my mouth, sat down, and cried.
I had to tell him. I had to sit him down today and tell him everything. I didn’t know how I was going to start the conversation and I didn’t know if he would let me stay the last week or throw me out onto my ass, but I couldn’t keep doing this to him, and I sure as hell couldn't keep doing this to us. As easy as it was for me to just run from my problems, I was tired of running.
I loved him with everything I had, and I’m not sure I had ever stopped… and because of that, he deserved better.
He deserved answers, and he deserved those answers served to him. He shouldn’t have to dig, or begin the conversation, or even wait between my pauses. I needed to bring it up, and once I started talking I couldn't stop until it was all said. Until he had all his answers.
Until he understood what had happened and that it wasn’t his fault.
I pulled myself off the bathroom floor and eventually got dressed. The clock was blaring a few minutes past noon, and my hands suddenly began to tremble. I felt short of breath and tears were rising to my eyes, and before I could settle myself down, I heard Flynn’s voice waft up the stairs and ricochet down the hallway.
“Chelsea! Lunch’ll be ready in about fifteen!”
Chapter 17: Flynn
I started throwing us some sandwiches together and pulled out a couple glass bottled Orange Crush’s. I knew that was Chelsea’s favorite drink if she wasn’t guzzling down sweet tea, and then I threw some chips and salsa onto the table before making a small fruit salad. It wasn’t the nicest lunch ever, but it would do before I had to go back and tend to the animals some more. I heard Chelsea shuffling around upstairs, and I couldn’t help but rush to the bottom of the steps when I heard her starting to come down.
“I can get down a flight of steps now,” she smirked.
“Rather be safe than sorry,” I smiled.
She looked absolutely beautiful, and my heart thundered in my chest. She had on a pair of white linen pants and a tight, pink tank top. Her feet were bare, and her hair was fluttering around her neck, and the smile on her face sent shivers down my spine. I’d completely fallen back into love with this woman, and I intended to talk with her over lunch about trying to do the long-distance thing. I didn’t know what she was doing now or where she was doing it, but I wanted her to know that I supported her and that, wherever she was, we could somehow make this work.
“Come on. I got sandwiches, Orange Crush, and chips.”
“Oh god, Orange Crush. I haven’t had it in ages,” she groaned.
We made our way to the kitchen table, and before we sat down, she snatched up her open bottle. She chugged it back and swallowed hard, moaning and groaning while she did so, and I felt a small tent growing behind my pants. A small drop of orange liquid trickled out the side of her mouth, and mindlessly I reached out to swipe it away. The orange drop hit my finger and pulled away from her skin, and when she looked at me, there was a hint of something there that I couldn’t put my finger on.
“Just a little drop there,” I said lowly.
She cleared her throat and dropped herself into her seat, and I went over to the fridge and grabbed her another bottle before I sat down.