What I really needed to do was focus on the essays I am submitting tomorrow. I had to do it in person, so it wouldn’t take long but I still wanted time to recuperate before the meeting. I had to be professional, and I saw everything flash before me before they called. I couldn’t lose a good career over my loose reaction time.
Sarai came in my room later that night to check on me.
“How are you doing?” She sat by my bed, and she brought ice cream. It was a miracle.
“I’m fine. They just called me.” I sniffed. I had at least stopped crying.
“Were they mad?” She asked softly. I shook my head.
“No, they thought I forgot. Or that something came up…anyway I told them I was studying. They told me to come in tomorrow for the meeting.” I explained. She sighed.
“That’s good. I’m glad it’s going to work out.”
I nodded.
“What about what’s going on between you guys?” She came and sat next to me. I rested my head on her shoulder. She always smells like milk and honey, somehow it’s soothing. She always smells like that, it reminds me I have a friend. A damned good one, too.
“I don’t know. I might tell them. Or maybe I’ll just…not.”
She frowned.
“Come on, you have to say something.”
“Maybe, but I don’t want to make them uncomfortable. They never said it would be about feelings, so I don’t know how they will take to it.” I said honestly. I wasn’t just afraid of rejection, I was afraid of having misunderstood everything, and getting more involved than they wanted me too.
“You don’t know that for sure. So you should talk to them about it, maybe after the meeting.”
“I am so nervous about that meeting. I don’t think I can bear to think of anything else. Especially not that.”
“Hmm. What will you wear?” she giggled.
“Oh goodness. I can’t even handle that.”
“I can pick something out for you.”
We sat together for a while, and she told me about how things were going at work. I felt bad that I hadn’t really been speaking to her about her life, and only mine. So it was nice to see what was going on. She did get that promotion and with school ending, she could work there full time and work on her designs. She wants to make it big and I am sure she will.
“How do you really feel about them?” She asked me. I gave her a look.
“What?”
She grinned slightly. “I mean, how do you feel about them?”
I sighed as I closed my eyes in thought. I was exhausted. Thinking about those two was exhausting.
“I love them.” I replied quietly. She gasped inwardly. I know it was hard for her to understand, or to get her grasp around it. But it was true.
I never thought I would fall into this situation either. I mean, it sounds crazy. Two men, one woman. It was something you hear or read about, but never expect to happen. To think it happened to me was something out of a movie. I loved Logan; his smarts and his geniality; and I loved Jake; with his wit and infectious personality that always surrounded me. I loved them both, and it wasn’t like it splits my heart in two or anything. It just completes it, glues it together and makes it beat faster.
“Wow.” She finally said.
“Yeah. I know it’s a little crazy but…it’s true.”
“The both of them?” she asked, but not in a judging manner or anything.
“Yeah.”
“Equally? Or do you feel more for one than the other?”