“What does it mean then?” I asked.
“Well,” he began. I could see the wheels in his head turning as he tried to work through his thoughts.
“You haven’t even thought about it, have you?” I asked, the pain evident in my voice.
“I just found out this morning, Piper,” he said defensively. “I haven’t had time to work everything out yet.”
“There’s nothing to work out,” I said weakly. I turned my head and took a giant swig of my drink. I stared down at the table angrily and tried to keep more tears from falling.
“What does that mean?” he asked. His voice sounded so small, so unlike Logan, that I looked up in surprise. He was staring at me, his eyes searching mine. I didn’t have an answer to his question. All I knew was that my heart was breaking and I couldn’t make it stop.
“It means,” I began. “You didn’t even stop to think about what this would mean for our future. Which tells me we don’t have one.”
“Piper,” Logan said, his words pleading for resolution.
“There’s nothing else to say,” I said quickly, not wanting to drag out the conversation any more than we already had. A quick goodbye would be best for both of us.
“I’m sorry,” he said. His head sagged and he stared down his hands which were once again wrapped tightly around mine. I watched him and waited for him to say something else.
Anything else.
But he didn’t.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I pulled my hands free and stood up.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“What’s the point in hanging around any longer?” I asked. Every part of me was aching.
“To say goodbye,” he suggested. “We won’t see each other for a long time and…”
“It all ends just the same,” I said, cutting him off. “Whether I sit here with you for another three hours or not for another second, nothing will change. You’ll still leave and I’ll still be here.”
“Piper…”
I turned and left without looking back. I thought he would stand up and follow me outside, tell me he loved me or ask me to wait for him. Something. Anything at all.
When I pushed the door open and stepped out into the parking lot I knew I was hoping for nothing. The cool evening breeze hit my face and quickly dried the tears that were still on my cheeks.
Despite the pain that accompanied that memory, it still wasn’t the worst I’d felt. The worst pain came later. After Logan left town. After I realized he wasn’t going to try to see me before he did. After I realized that night in Kellan’s was our last night together. After I had spent hours crying myself to sleep and wishing, more than anything, that I’d stayed in that booth just a little longer.
Ten
Piper
It had only been a week since my last conversation with Logan and still, I woke up with a stomachache almost every morning. I hated feeling like such a lovesick girl. Logan crossed my mind at least ten times a day. No matter how busy I was, he always found a way to creep back up and take over my thoughts. To remind me just how much I missed him.
I knew it was coming. Logan was always talking about the SEALs. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. And yet, it was. It knocked the wind out of me and damn near broke me. The worst part was his smile. It was like he was happy to be leaving me, like our entire relationship had just been him marking time until he could begin his real life.
Thinking about it made my stomach roll again. That morning, I shot out of bed and hurled myself into the bathroom. I threw up everything in my stomach, which wasn’t much, and curled into a ball on the floor. When Audra found me, she sat down next to me and rubbed my back slowly.
I rolled over to face her, knowing how pathetic I must seem to someone as strong as her.
“He’s just a boy,” I said, my voice weak. “I don’t know why it’s affecting me so much.”
“Because you love him,” she said gently.
“So, what?” I argued.