In the last moments of my desperation, I tugged the diamond rings off my fingers and laid them on the bedside table. I choked down the lump in my throat, but I forced myself to turn my back on them. I didn’t want them if they didn’t mean anything. If he didn’t really want me, I didn’t want him, either.
I dangled my shoes in two fingers and tiptoed to the foyer. Even now, the place seemed too huge and empty. How did I ever spend four months of my life in this place? It echoed like a mausoleum now. It listened to every footstep on the stairs and never left me in peace.
No sound came from the office. I had to get out of here before he came out. He would find the rings, and he would understand I left by myself. I would spare him the ordeal of breaking up with me, and I would never see him again.
I would get as far away from him and New York and this whole sordid affair as possible. I would file for divorce in another town in the middle of nowhere.
I cringed when the elevator dinged. I ducked inside and pushed the button to the ground floor. The car dropped underneath me, and my heart pounded in my chest.
I put on my shoes at the front door, strode outside, and hailed a cab. I gave the driver the address and sailed away to the rest of my life.
Once outside, the fresh air brought me back to my senses. What rock had I been living under all these months? I didn’t recognize myself. Addison was right. I had changed, and not necessarily for the better. I forgot my roots. I forgot my real self. I wasn’t supposed to be some glitzy celebrity with diamonds dripping off every finger. I wasn’t supposed to be fodder for the tabloids. I was just an average girl. That’s all I ever really wanted to be.
Addison. She would help me. She would take me in. At least I could crash on her couch until I decided what to do with myself. I didn’t want to show up barefoot and pregnant on my parents’ doorstep. They would encourage me to patch it up with my husband.
I did too good a job convincing them Gray was the real thing. They wouldn’t understand the whole business arrangement thing. They cared about the sanctity of marriage. They thought he was the man I fell deeply in love with. Isn’t that what I thought, too, when I took him home to meet them?
The cab parked in front of my old apartment building, and I dashed up the steps. I pounded on the door. “Addison! Addison! Let me in!”
It took a lot longer than I expected for her to answer. Then I remembered. It was early Saturday morning. She would be sound asleep, just like the rest of the world. What in God’s name was I thinking? I should have planned this better.
When she did come, she shuffled over the carpet in her shaggy bunny slippers. Her hair stuck out at odd angles to her head, and she squinted into the morning sunshine. She crossed her arms over her the stomach of her tattered old lavender bathrobe. “Gabi is everything ok?”
“I left Gray,” I blurted out. “I had to, Addison. I’m pregnant, and I….”
She didn’t budge. She didn’t pry her scrunched-up eyelids apart. She went very still and quiet. “You what?”
I took a deep breath. Better make a clean breast of it. “I’m pregnant, Addison. I didn’t realize until you showed me that magazine. I took a pregnancy test, and it’s positive. I told Gray last night and I...”
“Don’t tell me,” she interrupted as she pulled me inside. “He got pissed and broke it off. I always knew he would let you down in the long run.”
“He didn’t get pissed, and he didn’t break it off. He was actually really happy.”
“So, what’s the problem? What are you doing here?”
I hung my head. How could I ever tell her? “It’s his PR team. They said I would be out on my ass if I did anything to paint him in a bad light.”
“So…. you’re pregnant. You’re married. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you get married?”
I wrung my hands in anguish. None of this made sense. “Please, Addison. I have nowhere else to go. I need your help.”
She let out a heavy sigh and let her arms drop to her sides. “Oh, all right. Just don’t think you’re going to drink all my coffee without replacing it.”
She shuffled over to the couch and plopped down. I turned around and locked her door and then walked over to the couch.
Addison was already back asleep. That was my cue to make the coffee, even though I gave up drinking it since I found out I was really pregnant. I went to the kitchen and found everything in the same places. I might as well have never left—except for one small thing hidden inside me.
I was just as hopeless and planless as when I left, but now I had a
mission. I also had an iron-clad reason to leave New York. My family wouldn’t understand, but I did. That was the important thing.
The smell of coffee brewing got Addison to open one eye. “You haven’t lost your touch. Okay, you can stay.”
I carried the cup to the couch and sat down next to her. “I won’t stay long. I promise you that.”
19
Gray