“Trust me, Ryan’s a lot like Carter. You’ll get his money whether you want it or not,” Natasha said.
“I wish I could have someone’s money,” Catherine said with a grin.
“Anyway,” I said as I cradled Natasha’s child close, “that does have me worried. I don’t know if I can raise four children.”
“So you’ve already had an ultrasound?” Natasha asked.
“The appointment’s on Wednesday,” I said. “And I’m not going to lie, I’m worried about multiples.”
“Do they run in your family or something?” Catherine asked.
“I have two sets of twin cousins,” I said.
“Uh oh,” Natasha said.
“And I don’t know if I could handle multiples. I mean, four children? That’s enough as it is. Natasha, you can vouch for that one. But throwing multiples on top of that? Even if Ryan was serious about supporting me-- and go with me on this train of thought for a second-- his apartment wouldn't be big enough for all of us. We’d have to move. Find another place in the city. I’d have to quit my job here because I’d balloon quicker than usual, and I’d have to run around behind three kids while growing two
more. That’s double the stuff for a nursery and double the clothes and double the diapers-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Natasha said as she scooped her child from my arms. “First off, breathe. If there’s anyone who understands your plight, it’s me. And the worst thing you can do is spiral into that train of thought.”
“But I have to be ready, right? Nat, you were on bedrest the entire second half of your pregnancy. That would drive me nuts.”
“Trust me, it drove me nuts. But once you stop panicking about the fact that you’re pregnant and start tapping into your motherly instincts, it’s not going to be as bad as you think it will be. But you will need Ryan’s support. So if he’s offering it, take it. Even if things aren’t romantic between you two, you’re going to need a partner.”
“Yeah. Even if you’re only pregnant with one child-- and let’s hope to heaven you are,” Catherine said.
“Whatever comes your way, know that you’ve got this. If there’s one thing I could change about what happened with Carter and I, it’s accepting his help much sooner than I did. Things were so much easier with him than without him. Take Ryan up on his offer. Take him to this appointment with you so you aren’t doing it alone,” Natasha said.
“Wait, so you guys aren’t coming with me to it?” I asked.
“No,” Catherine said. “We’re not. You can’t keep shoving Ryan off on the sidelines for this. We know you want him around. We know you’re struggling. Those ultrasound appointments? They’re for the mother and the father. If Ryan didn’t want to be in the picture? Different story. But now that we know he does, we’re taking a step back.”
“Come on, guys. It’s just one appointment,” I said.
“And it’s the most important one. You’re going to be seeing your child for the first time. That’s a moment for both you and Ryan. No one else,” Natasha said.
I knew they were right, but I didn’t want to admit it to them. It was easier, doing this with them. Ryan and I had been through so much and experienced so many blunders. And I still wasn’t sure about his story with Layla what’s-her-face. It felt way too much like my college days. But it also wasn’t fair to keep holding a grown man to the standard of a twenty-year old boy.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll take Ryan to the appointment Wednesday.”
“I expect pictures of the ultrasound,” Natasha said.
“And I’ll be waiting at your desk when you get back from your lunch break. I’m assuming that’s when the appointment is?” Catherine asked.
“Yep. That’s it,” I said.
“Good. Then I’ll be right here in this spot.”
“Your kids that rough this week?” I asked.
“More than you could ever imagine,” Catherine said with a giggle.
My exhaustion was worse than ever and I decided to take a risk. Instead of making my appointment for my lunch break and trying to work around it, I took the entire day of Wednesday off. Since I didn’t take many days off and never cashed in my vacation, the principal was more than willing to find me a substitute for the day.
Which meant Ryan and I could do a little more talking before the appointment.
I hadn’t actually asked him about the appointment yet, but I figured I could still use the day off. I sent him a text message and told him about what was going on. About the appointment and my day off and how, if we wanted, we could get together and talk a little more. If he had the time to.