I couldn’t believe what I’d almost just done.
Walking up to the Joppa’s door at two in the morning because I thought Alicia might be inside? What good would that have done? I could only imagine the look on Mr. Joppa’s face if he had opened the door.
I threw myself onto my bed and sighed, feeling like I was losing my mind. After waking up in a panicked sweat, the last thing I needed was to confront Alicia after all these years. Besides, I didn’t even know if she was home. It had been just a feeling, after all. Just an old instinct.
I forced my eyes closed and told myself I was imagining things. There probably hadn’t even been a light on in that room. My mind had been playing tricks on me because I had still been shaken up over my dreams about Leo.
Sleep continued to evade me for the rest of the night, but I kept my head pressed against my pillow and my blanket wrapped tightly around me. And whenever I got the urge to get up, I pulled the blanket tighter, convincing myself it would help hold me together.
I knew that wasn’t true though. Nothing could hold me together anymore.
CHAPTER 5
Alicia
“You aren’t ready yet?!”
Allie’s annoyed voice snapped me out of my daydream. “I was having a nice moment and you just ruined it,” I said as I turned around to glare at her.
“A nice moment? You were staring out the window.”
“Exactly. It was peaceful until you showed up.”
“Cry me a river,” Allie said and rolled her eyes. “Get dressed. We have to leave in ten minutes. Mom and Dad are already freaking out that we’ll be late.”
“They’ve been freaking out since I got here. What else is new?”
“Just hurry. Please.”
“Well, since you said please,” I teased.
I walked over to the closet and pulled the door open. I’d grown up in this room and had unpacked my things the night before, but it still felt like I was living in someone else’s home. The five years since I’d last slept in that bed and opened the closet door had put up a permanent wall between me and my parent’s home. Nothing felt like mine anymore.
I pulled out a dark dress and some heels. Laying them on the bed, I stripped down to my underwear without realizing my sister was still in the doorway.
“What?” I snapped. “I’m getting dressed.”
“Don’t you own anything black?” Allie asked, her eyes glued to my dress.
“That is black.”
“No, Alicia. That’s blue.” Allie walked over, picked up the dress, and held it up to my nose.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. It’s blue, but it’s navy blue, so no one will be able to tell the difference.”
“You didn’t pack a black dress?” Allie’s voice began to gain its mothering quality, and the last thing I needed was a full-on Allie-styled lecture right before a funeral.
I shrugged. “I must have grabbed the wrong one.”
“Haven’t you heard?” A voice called from the hallway. “Navy is the new black in New York City. Our Alicia here has to stay up on the latest fashion trends if she wants to stick out in the big city.”
“Thanks for that, Aunt Ira,” I called back.
I caught Allie’s eye and we both erupted into silent giggles. Just like that, all tension faded from the room and Allie helped me step into my dress without further complaint. She zipped me up and leaned against the dresser while I slipped on my shoes.
“So tell me,” she began, her tone suddenly serious, “how is it being back?”
“Honestly, Al, I don’t know.” I shook my head and gestured around the room. “All of this—it just feels surreal. It feels like an entirely different life. I’m not the same girl I was when I lived here.”