We walked through the door of my parents’ house. It was empty; my mom and dad wouldn’t be back for a few more hours. We’d already eaten dinner at Allie’s and I knew Zane was
dying to talk to me alone. Throughout the entire car ride, he watched me closely, not bothering to hide his stare. I glanced at him briefly, silently telling him we would talk as soon as we could be alone.
“It’s been awhile since I’ve been inside this place,” Zane said, looking around the house. He laughed. “It hasn’t changed much.”
“Mom and Dad are creatures of habit,” I said and then turned to Elizabeth. “Lizzy, why don’t you play outside for a while? Stay in the backyard and I’ll come get you when it’s time for bed, okay?”
“Okay!” She bounced away and disappeared through the back door.
I turned to face Zane, who was still watching me like I was about to run away from him again. “So,” I said. “want to sit down?”
“Sure.”
We sat on the couch. I tucked my feet underneath me and cleared my throat. “Go ahead. I know you’re dying to ask me a million questions.”
He shook his head. “I have questions, but really, I just want to say thank you.”
I frowned. That wasn’t at all what I’d expected. “For what?”
“For letting me see her. For telling me about her. For letting me spend time with her. You have no idea how much that meant to me.”
“I do,” I said. “I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. You were right earlier. You deserved to know. I shouldn’t have hidden her from you, no matter what happened between us. It wasn’t fair.”
“I understand why you did it though,” he said. I searched his face for a sign of sarcasm, but there was nothing but sincerity. “I wasn’t the best person back then. I was selfish and impulsive. I loved you so much, but I couldn’t see past my own needs and wants long enough to really give us a chance. I know how much I hurt you when I left.”
“That’s still not an excuse,” I argued, refusing to let him take all the blame. So much of it had been my fault too. “I walked out of Kellan’s that night. You were trying to tell me how you felt and I didn’t let you. I was just so angry and hurt that I couldn’t stand to look at you for another second. When I ran, it wasn’t because you did anything wrong. It was because I was too weak to face the pain.”
“We can argue about whose fault it was all night,” Zane said, “or we can just talk about the future. What happens now?”
My stomach wiggled nervously. “What do you mean?” I asked, although I knew this conversation was coming. Still, I wasn’t sure how to proceed. What if Zane still wanted us to run away together? Or what if he wanted shared custody? What would that even look like?
“How do we navigate our new situation?” he asked. “Now that Elizabeth knows about me and I know about her, I can’t stay away. I want to be in her life, Alicia. I have to be.”
“And I want that too. I would never think of keeping her from you again.”
“I know you wouldn’t. And I love you for that.”
Zane’s words sent a spark flying up my spine. I flushed as our eyes met. He reached forward and took my hand into his, raising it to his lips and kissing my palm gently. I was so shocked I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even breathe.
After our fight and the revelations from that morning, I didn’t think Zane would still want to be with me. I’d presumed any chance of us being together had disappeared. Keeping Elizabeth from him was something I’d been sure he would never forgive.
“I thought you were mad at me,” I said.
“I am. I’ll probably be mad at you for a long time, but I’m willing to bet you’re just as mad at me. Everything that happened today doesn’t change our history. We can’t fix this overnight, but I want to try. If you do.”
“I don’t know how to,” I said softly. “Where do we go from here?”
He looked into my eyes for a few seconds before leaning forward and gently kissing me. The second our lips met, I knew I would do anything to make things work between us. The idea of leaving him behind wasn’t a possibility anymore; I needed him too much.
We kissed slowly, our lips dancing and our tongues barely peeking into each other’s mouths. It was slow and deliberate, every emotion we felt being poured into it. I felt it in my entire body. My desire for him wasn’t hungry and desperate like I was used to. Instead, it was complex and well thought out.
I’d considered our past and our future, and still wanted him.
Reluctantly, I pulled away, knowing our daughter could walk in at any moment.
“Let me get Elizabeth to bed,” I said. “Then I’ll meet you in my room.”
CHAPTER 28