“Then just go then!”
His face fell. “What?”
“Just go,” I repeated. “If you’re so happy about leaving, then leave! You don’t have to stick around and rub my nose in it.”
Zane looked back at me like I’d slapped him.
I couldn’t believe he would be so heartless. That he could tell me he was leaving and not even be remotely sad about it.
“Alicia,” he began, “what the hell is wrong? Where is this coming from?”
“You’re leaving me and you’re happy about it,” I blurted out. Tears formed in my eyes and I couldn’t stop them from overflowing.
“Is that what you think?” He laughed weakly and slid closer to me, holding both of my hands in his. “Alicia, I’m not leaving you.”
“So you aren’t going to Coronado?”
“No, I am,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean we have to be over.”
“What does it mean then?”
“Well…” he said, the wheels in his head turning as he tried to work through his thoughts.
“You haven’t even thought about it, have you?” I asked, pained.
“I just found out this morning, Alicia,” he said defensively. “I haven’t had time to work everything out yet.”
“There’s nothing to work out.” I turned my head, took a giant swig of my drink, and angrily stared down at the table, trying to stop more tears from falling.
“What does that mean?” he asked, his voice small and so unlike hims
elf. I looked up to find him staring at me, his eyes searching mine.
I didn’t have an answer to his question. All I knew was that my heart was breaking and I couldn’t make it stop. “It means you didn’t even stop to think about what this would mean for our future, which tells me we don’t have one.”
“Alicia—”
“There’s nothing else to say,” I said quietly, not wanting to drag the conversation out any further. A quick goodbye would be best for both of us.
“I’m sorry,” Zane said, staring down at his hands, which were once again wrapped tightly around mine.
I waited for him to say something else. Anything else.
But he didn’t.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I pulled my hands free and stood up.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“What’s the point in hanging around any longer?” I said, every part of me aching.
“To say goodbye,” he suggested. “We won’t see each other for a long time and—”
“It all ends just the same,” I said, cutting him off. “Whether I sit here with you for another three hours or not for another second, nothing will change. You’ll still leave and I’ll still be here.”
“Alicia…”
I turned and left without looking back. I thought he would follow me outside, tell me he loved me, or ask me to wait for him. But when I pushed the door open and stepped out into the parking lot, I saw that my hopes were in vain.