“Even Mom and Dad talk about it,” Allie continued. “Things just aren’t the same without you.”
“Is she drunk already?” I joked, looking at Jordan.
“Nope.” He laughed. “Just sentimental. It happens when you turn thirty.”
Allie slapped Jordan’s arm playfully and rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “I won’t gush over how much I miss my little sister or how badly Mom and Dad want her to move back. If it bothers you guys that much, I’ll just go check on the kids.”
“No,” I said quickly. “Allie, I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to make fun of you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I miss you guys, too,” I said sincerely.
“Do you really?” Allie asked.
“Of course. You’re my family.”
“Then why don’t you ever come home?”
“Al…” Jordan warned.
“You know why,” I said softly. “It’s hard for me, being back here…”
“But it doesn’t have to be,” Allie insisted. “The more you come back, the easier it’ll become.”
“I don’t want it to be easy. I like my life in New York.”
“Do you?”
“Allie,” I said, her skepticism starting to annoy me, “don’t you remember how long I spent thinking up plans for my life? By the time I was fifteen, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.”
“I remember,” Allie said.
“So, aren’t you the least bit happy for me?”
“Of course, I am. I just don’t think you’re happy.”
“What does that mean?” I asked defensively, even though the last thing I wanted was to fight with my sister.
“It means that you’re drowning, Alicia.”
“Drowning?”
“You flit from relationship to relationship, never settling down. You work crazy hours and—”
“I have a job! So what?”
“That job is not your entire life, or at least it shouldn’t be.”
“And you think I don’t know that?” I snapped.
“I think you’re scared,” Allie said bluntly.
“Scared? Scared of what?”
“Of living.”
I fell silent and leaned back in my chair. As annoyed as I was, I couldn’t find it in me to argue with Allie anymore. She’d hit on a touchy subject that I didn’t want to explore. It was bad enough having to picture Zane’s face; I didn’t think I could handle having a conversation about him.