I never expected her to leave, and I never expected to be alone. As I stood on the edge of the meadow with my clenched fists and my aching jaw, I watched a family of deer step into the woods. A buck with a ten-point rack, a doe pregnant with children, and two baby fawns leaping alongside her. I thought about the children I could’ve had with Lana. The children I could’ve watched grow. I thought about all the family functions I did chance to attend that only served to remind me of what I didn’t have. A woman. A family. A purpose to live.
All I had was that fucking cabin. And for a moment, it was filled with a warmth I thought Lana had robbed me of the day she left.
I watched the family of deer eat their fill of the grass and flowers before I started my journey back to the cabin. Whatever I thought this walk was going to acc
omplish, it had failed. Instead of finding relief and solace in the nature that surrounded me, all I found was an emptiness I hadn’t yet come to terms with. An aching loneliness that fueled the anger pooling inside my chest.
It was good Ava was gone, because there was one thing Lana and her did have in common.
They were both flippant.
Flippant and temporary.
Seven
Ava
I drove through Kettle, Washington and back into Seattle territory. I had to use my GPS to get to the town limits, but once I was there I recognized where I was. My phone was ringing off the hook as I continued to drive, and all I could hope was that my father hadn’t tried to go to Cassie’s. The last thing I needed was to try and explain to him where I actually was and what I actually had been doing. The wrath I would incur from him would snuff out any chance I had of getting away.
The more I continued to drive, the more I thought about Travis. Why in the world did the name ‘Travis Benson’ ring such a bell? Did my family know a Travis Benson? Had he been on the news somewhere? He didn’t look or sound familiar, so I knew I’d never met him before. But there was still something oddly familiar about him that I couldn't shake.
I couldn’t get him off my mind. The way his amber eyes were so serious even though he always seemed to be grinning underneath that beard. And his hair was beautiful. Just long enough for someone to be able to tangle their fingers up within it. I lived in a world where men didn’t grow their hair out. They kept it trimmed and swept off to the side. Anything else was considered weak or unprofessional.
But I enjoyed the length of Travis’ hair. I enjoyed how long it was.
He had been scary at first, but he surprised me with the work he had done on the car. He struck me as a woodworker, not as someone who could fix machinery. I wondered what other hidden talents a man like him had. I daydreamed about him and those amber eyes as I made my way home. I had no idea why he was so stuck in my head. I had no idea why part of me wanted to turn around and go back to him. It wasn’t like we had sat and talked for hours and hours and had all these things in common. But I could still feel the way he cradled me in his arms.
The way he had taken care of me when I was so frozen I couldn’t speak.
The way his voice had been so worried before he knew I was aware of his presence.
I took in a shaky breath as I pulled into my family’s compound. I refused to call it a home, because it didn’t feel like that. The massive wrought iron gates parted, allowing my car to wind all the way up the hill. The driveway was lined with apple trees my brothers and I had eaten off of for years, filling the yard with a luxurious smell. It had always been my favorite smell, apples and cinnamon. My mother made the best fucking pies around. It was why my favorite seasons were fall and winter.
Because I could indulge in all the apple and cinnamon treats I wanted.
It was the only time I ever truly felt free. Whenever I would run around with my brothers outside, I felt like I was in control of my own life. They never told me what to do or how to behave. If anything, they had encouraged my rebellion against my father. They kept telling me that what I was doing was right and how my father was treating me was wrong. They went along with his antics because they knew that was what they needed to do, but for men it was different. They had the promise of running father’s business someday. They had trust funds built for them and beautiful women lined up just waiting to be their brides. They got the promise of a future while all I got was the promise to be an accessory to someone’s future.
I pulled up to the five-car garage and put my car in park.
Part of me debated on pulling back out. Taking my car, ramming it through the gate, and never coming back. I took one last breath of the freedom I thought I had before I got out of my car, then I made my way into the house through the back door that lead into the kitchen.
My parents were sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me. My mother with her straight back, her perfect brown hair stacked high on her head, and a dress that fit her just for the pleasure of my father. He lifted his eyes towards me, the fire behind them scaring me as my brothers fumbled their way down the stairs.
“Ava! You’re back!” Hunter said.
“How was Cassie’s?” Lorenzo asked.
“Did you guys stay up all night talking about boys?” Finn asked.
My three brothers gave me a hug and I was thankful for them trying to cover my tracks. I knew they had always been supportive of me, and I knew they understood that I had been trying to escape. I could feel their pity dripping from their bodies as they hugged me. I could feel it in the way they kissed my cheeks. I nodded and smiled as I told them I had a good time, but I could tell my father wasn’t buying it.
“Why in the world is half of your closet gone?” my father asked.
I looked over at my brothers as they stepped away from me.
“It’s a good question, sweetheart,” my mother said. “I went in there to try and find you something for your date, and half of your clothes were gone.”
I rose my eyes to my father before I sighed, trying to come up with some sort of explanation.