“If you don’t want to go back, you could stay here,” I said.
“And… do what?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Hadn’t gotten that far, I guess.”
Ava crinkled her nose in confusion, and I couldn’t blame her. I was confused as to why I brought it up in the first damn place? Stay here? What, just… in the fucking guest bedroom? What the hell was she going to do here? Twiddle her thumbs and take online courses or some shit? I barely knew this girl. For all I knew, she was a lying sack of shit like the rest of the women that had come in and out of my life. For all I knew, this was a ploy to get underneath my skin.
I had to remind myself of who she was. Who her father was and what he had tried to do to our family.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Ava said.
“Suit yourself,” I said.
She left the cabin and I watched as she got into her car. I could tell she was scared. Worried, even. Her confidence drained from her the moment she shut her car door. Like she didn’t think anyone could see her. It was amazing people thought they were hidden once they got behind the metal encasing of their cars. People picked their noses and yelled at their children. Sang terribly along with music and unleashed their road rage. It was like they suddenly lost the ability to comprehend exactly what a window did.
And Ava was no different.
I watched the fire in her beautiful hazel eyes slowly drain down her body. Her confident form collapsed as her forehead rested against her steering wheel. It was like just hearing her father’s voice had collapsed her somehow. Pulled some imaginary rug out from underneath her and brought her crashing back into a reality she hated. I watched her take a few deep breaths as her dark brown hair fell around her face.
She really was a beautiful woman, if someone could get past the helplessness she tried to ignore in herself.
I still wasn’t sure why she was heading home instead of California. If that was really her goal, then she would continue on with her journey. Many people had come before her and struggled through harsher times to get what they wanted. It was hard to imagine that her father had that much control over her life. Maybe he governed her by fear or maybe she was just some spoiled rich kid who was blowing everything out of proportion. I hardly knew the girl, so who the hell was I to judge her family dynamics just from what she’d told me?
I already had an opinion of her father as a businessman, but I’d never seen him in action as a parental figure. Maybe she made a habit of this kind of thing. She admitted that this wasn’t the first time she had run from her parents, so maybe this anger her father was displaying was just him fed up with her antics. Maybe they had tried to make her go to college and she didn’t want to, so marrying her off was their last effort to try and give her some semblance of a life outside of the home.
There were several scenarios that could explain what Ava was really going through. After all, if I heard her conversation correctly she was only twenty-two. And I remembered what it was like to be that young in my twenties. It felt like the entire world was against me. I had graduated college with a business degree to help the family and I thought I knew everything. I was in love with the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I thought nothing could touch me. I thought everyone with an opinion that wasn’t mine wanted to see me fail, and I stopped at nothing to make sure people knew I wasn’t going to take their shit.
Maybe that was what Ava was doing with running away.
Maybe that was her way of exerting some sort of control over her life.
Whatever the case was, Ava needed to face it. On the slim chance that she was emotionally intelligent and hyper-aware twenty-two-year-old, she needed to admit her own faults. She needed to admit that she had more control than she did. She also needed to come to terms with the fact that her parents only had control over her because she allowed them to. In her mind’s eye, she had no other choice. She could either go home and deal with the abuse of her family, or she could run until they beckoned for her.
And as long as she went running back to them, they would continue to beckon for her.
I watched the young woman as she cranked up her car. Her dimly-lit eyes lifted towards her rearview mirror, then she pulled away from the cabin. I went and stood on the porch, watching her car recede down the driveway. With every inch she drove, I felt the cabin grow lonelier. I felt a light fade away from the inside of my home that hadn’t been there in a very long time. How the fuck was that possible? How could a young woman with her kind of disposition bring that type of warmth into a place?
I shrugged off the notion as I grabbed my coat and headed into the woods.
I walked whenever I needed to get my mind off things and having Ava in my cabin kicked up painful memories. Just seeing a woman lying by a fire drew up within me a carnal desire I had left sedated for years. Her body had been sprawled out underneath those covers trying to get warm while her hair called out to my fingertips. The soft and supple curves the blankets dipped into on her body caused my mind to swirl the other night. It had been years since I’d felt the velvety soft skin of a woman against my body. Warming my aching muscles and drenching my dry bones with her succulent fluids.
Just having her musky scent fill up my living room all night brought back swirling memories. Memories of when I was happy and ignorant. Memories of whisking myself away with the woman I loved. The ground was squishing beneath my feet, drenched from the rainstorm and unable to keep its own composure.
Lana loved the rain. Thunderstorms and lightning and torrential downpours. The louder it was, the more peaceful it was to her. It was like she fed off the drama of it all, and that should’ve been my first cue.
My first cue that she would’ve left me where I was standing.
I walked through the woods and took in the scent of it all. The deeper I breathed, the more the scent changed. It morphed into lilac and lavender, the smell of Lana’s hair whenever she laid down next to me. I could still smell the tingling electricity that had battered the mountain top last night. I could smell the wet dirt underneath my boots morph into the smell of Lana’s skin. The smell that would encompass her when my tongue explored her body.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought she would’ve left me at the altar.
I clenched my fists as I thought about it. I stepped into the wild meadow a mile outside of my cabin and I paused. I felt my body slowly burning with anger. I gave that woman everything. I took her to every place she could’ve ever dreamed and bought her every dress she could’ve ever wanted. I cherished her body every night and drew her from her dreams every morning with my cock between her legs. She sank her teeth into my heart and drew me into her gravitational pull.
Then she left me at the altar to starve without her soul.
Maybe that was why it was hard watching Ava leave. It had nothing to do with her, but it had everything to do with Lana. The love of my life left me standing at the altar, and I had walked outside just in time to watch her get into our limo and leave. I could still remember the trail of her veil as it got slammed in the car door as the limo driver took off. Taking her fuck-knows-where.
I hadn’t seen Lana since that day. Since she left the wedding she had planned to go live another life elsewhere.