Alexander sighed. She could sense his pain as he pulled her tighter. “I cannot marry. I would not make a good husband.”
Evelyn pulled away and looked up at him. “I think you would make a fine husband.”
An image of them at Stony Cross surrounded by a horde of children flashed into her mind.
“I do not want children,” he replied as though reading her thoughts.
There was a shift in him, a wave of coldness that acted as a shroud to hide any emotion. He’d been living the life of a recluse. Perhaps these strange feelings were new to him, made him overcautious, wary.
“I am not asking for a declaration,” she said. “You do not have to convince me of your unsuitability.”
He stroked the outline of her face. “What are you asking?”
“I’m not asking for anything.”
It was a lie.
She wanted everything.
“After what has just happened, you should be demanding I make you an offer.”
“I would never want what you were not willing to give. You wanted to touch me, and I wanted it, too. No one else need know of it and so let that be the end of the matter.”
Evelyn thought her response would calm him. She expected him to express relief, but she knew anger simmered beneath the surface.
“What if I don’t want it to be the end of the matter? What would you say if I kissed you again?”
“I think you know the answer.”
He turned away from her, thrust his hands through his hair and sighed loudly at the glass ceiling before swinging back round to face her. “So you have decided to refuse Mr. Sutherby?”
Evelyn narrowed her gaze. “I cannot believe you need to ask after what has just occurred.”
“But what of your financial stability?”
She shrugged. “What of it? As you rightly said, it should not be a factor in my decision. Love is the only consideration, and I do not love Mr. Sutherby.”
But I am falling in love with you, she added silently.
The thought caused her throat to constrict as a rush of conflicting emotions took hold. Excitement sprouted like blossom on a tree: something bright and new and pretty. Desire unfurled in her belly. A feeling of rapturous joy filled her heart. But they all existed beneath a cloud of uncertainty and fear.
Tears threatened to fall as though she was already grieving for the loss and she knew she must leave. If he kissed her again, she would not be able to suppress the need to devour him, to lie naked beneath him, to let him take whatever he wanted from her.
“I should get back before I’m missed.” She turned away and took a deep breath. “I will be at Lady Westbury’s ball tomorrow evening if you wish to talk.”
If he came to the ball, then maybe there was a chance he felt something, too. If he returned to Stony Cross, she knew she would never see him again.
She strode away from him, the first few steps the hardest to take.
“Eve,” he called out to her, his tone softer than she’d ever heard it before. “I can’t be the man you want me to be.”
Her stomach twisted into painful knots. “We’ll see,” she said glancing over her shoulder and forcing a smile.
All she could do now was hope and pray he was wrong.
Chapter 13
“You must excuse my brother,” Charlotte Sutherby said patting Evelyn’s arm. “I begged him not to cancel your stroll in the park, but when I swooned at the foot of the stairs, he refused to leave me alone.”