“Not right now.” He placed the tip of his finger on her chin and traced a slow, sensual line all the way down to her navel. The mischievous glint in his eyes simmered to a heated smoulder. “We have time for a drink, and I need to stoke the fire.”
Part of her wanted to indulge him. When they were alone, when he kissed her, she forgot anyone or anything else existed.
“And I do need to thank you for saving my life,” he added. “I trust you meant to blow the blade out of Aubrey’s hand.”
“Aubrey? Is that his name?”
“Apparently so.”
“Somehow, he doesn’t seem so terrifying now.”
“You appeared quite calm when you pulled the trigger. Where did you learn to shoot like that?”
“Vane insisted I take lessons.” Oh, how she wished she’d had the skill to fight a duel with Lord Martin. She would have hit him between the legs to prevent him from taking another woman for a fool.
“Then for once, I owe your brother my gratitude.”
“What did you do with him?”
Fabian frowned. “With whom? Vane?”
“No, the man with the pockmarked face.” He didn’t deserve to be called by his name.
“He’s in the dungeon for the time being. Mackenzie is looking after him.” Fabian fell silent, though she could feel his gaze drifting over her breasts before lingering on her locket. “Must you wear the necklace to bed?”
The question shocked her. It would be easy to lie. But she’d reached the point in her life where nothing but the truth would do. “As long as I live, I shall never take it off.”
“I see.” Suspicion lingered within those two simple words. “I suppose it is too much to hope that you carry your mother’s portrait.”
“While I loved my mother, it is not her likeness I hold dear.”
A sigh left his lips. “While it pains me to ask, did you develop an attachment to Lord Martin?”
One did not need the wisdom of Socrates to know what he was really asking. Had she married him despite loving someone else? “No. While I carried a mild affection for him, one I believed might blossom into something more, I did not love him.”
“But you do love the person whose likeness you keep close to your heart?”
“I do.” A surge of raw emotion filled her chest. Tears stung her eyes and threatened to fall. “I have never known a love like it.”
Fabian sat up and thrust his hand through his hair. “If you love another, then why marry me? Is it not better to be a spinster, to stay true to oneself rather than live a lie?”
“I think you’re suffering from a terrible misconception.” The lump in her throat grew so large she struggled to swallow. She pinched the end of her nose to stem the flood waters. “It—it is not a gentleman’s portrait I carry.”
Fabian turned to face her, confusion marring his brow. “Please tell me it’s not a picture of your brother.”
The comment pricked her ire. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not listening to what I’m saying.”
“Is it ridiculous? Vane is practically your shadow.”
Anger and a gut-wrenching pain consumed her. She jumped out of bed, found her chemise, thrust it over her head and tugged the material to her knees.
“It’s on the wrong way round.”
Lillian glanced down but was past the point of caring. Feeling somewhat less vulnerable now the garment covered her modesty, she placed her hands on her hips. “Let me make one thing clear. Vane is a kind, loving brother who will do anything to secure my happiness. But it is not his memory I cling to.”
“Then whose is it?” His tone conveyed more than a hint of jealousy. Had the lord of the seas developed a sense of inferiority? “What hope do we have of moving beyond the past if you cannot be honest with me? We have all lived with loss.”
“To lose a loved one is distressing.” It felt like having her heart ripped from her chest while it was still beating. “But to lose a child … there is no greater pain.”