“Oh my god,” I say softly, the realization rocking me. “I thought you brought him back because you had magic.”
“Maybe that had something to do with it, I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. “But I put my blood in him and eventually…he woke up. He woke up hungry. He fed from me and he became a vampire…again.”
“And he didn’t go mad,” I whisper in awe.
“No. It was the opposite,” she says, looking rather proud of herself and I don’t fucking blame her. “The beast was gone after that. It never came back. Solon still has some magic and all his memories of his life before and he’s pretty much the same vampire as he ever was. He’s just better, that’s all.”
I stare at her, my mind reeling at the possibilities. “So, you can…you can create a vampire, but without any of the bad side effects? You can create a vampire that doesn’t go mad.”
She gives me a tight smile, fiddling with the ring on her finger. “In theory.”
“So, is that the solution?”
Her lips rub together anxiously. “It was. But as I said, I started to think it over.”
“What’s there to think over?” I excitedly press my fingers into the table, leaning forward. “You can make me a vampire now.”
“Even if I could, even if there was no risk, you really have to ask yourself if this is something you’re willing to do. To say you’d become a vampire when you think there’s no chance of it ever happening is one thing.”
“What’s the risk?” I ask. Suddenly I have hope in my heart. I haven’t had hope for such a long time.
“Well for one, what if it doesn’t work the same way on humans? What if it only worked on Solon because he was a vampire? And what if it only worked because we were in the Red World, a magic-filled reality, and somehow that helped me? And maybe it only worked because I was in a place of pure desperation. Maybe some elder god answered my prayers—I absolutely have no idea because I haven’t done it since.”
She’s got a point. The hope in my heart sinks, just a little. “But what if none of that happens. And you could just turn me and I could be a vampire and then…”
“Right. And then…” she says with a wave of her hand. “See, you have to really think about what you want, Amethyst, because even if I do think this is a good idea—and I don’t think that yet—you have to know what you’re getting into. Being a vampire…look I know you’ve been around vampires, living with them, for a long time but as an actual vampire, I have to say it’s not for the faint of heart. When I turned, it was shocking and brutal and caught me off-guard. I didn’t lose my humanity and that’s what made it worse, knowing that I was still me but then I was also this blood-thirsty monster at the same time.”
“You’re not a monster,” I say softly.
“Thank you,” she says. “But you’re going to feel like one, because you’d still be you. You’d still be Amethyst and it’s a lot to reconcile when you go from being prey to becoming the predator. Not only that but…are you prepared to live forever? I don’t even know if I am, granted I don’t know how long I’ll live since I’m only a half-breed. But it’s a lot to grapple with.”
That’s the one thing that’s holding me back. It’s not the whole become a predator thing, frankly I think I’d be rather good at it. But it’s the whole living forever thing. Now, I know vampires don’t live forever and that the term immortal is used loosely, meaning that they’ll never die of natural causes, or age. Eventually something will probably kill them. But even so, it’s a long time and I can’t imagine grieving the loss of my mother for longer than I have to. It’s unfathomable to me.
Then again, I wouldn’t be alone.
I would have Lenore, Solon, and Ezra.
And I would be with Wolf.
“Oh god,” I find myself saying, staring blankly at the table. “Do I sound like a crazy person right now?”
Her brows quirk up. “You mean right now? Contemplating becoming a vampire?”
“Yeah. And doing it for fucking love. I mean, I know women do all sorts of stupid shit for men, like quitting their jobs, or dropping out of school, or moving across country, or whatever the hell, but I mean like…becoming a vampire? So I can be with him for eternity? I mean, what if this scares Wolf off? You know, like maybe it’s a bit much? Maybe I should start with flowers or something.”
Lenore bursts out laughing. “Amethyst, come on. I know what you mean, but Wolf is in love with you and that’s never going to change, even if you’re both not in the right place right now and you aren’t technically together.”