For a split second, I wish I wasn’t wearing a condom. I know she’s not on birth control. That’s another conversation we’ve had in the past. She didn’t have a need for it because she wasn’t sexually active. I want to fill her with my cum and pray that she’s nothing like Roxy. I want her belly round with my baby. I want her tied to me like she’s tied to Robbie, only I wouldn’t end up in prison. The woman under me would have my ring on her finger. She’d be in my bed every night. The dream I had of babies and the dog chewing on the furniture would come true because I’d never let her go, but that’s fucked up.
Trapping her into a life she may not want with me is next-level psycho.
It was just a flash, but the thought was there. I grind into her harder, deeper. I want her to feel me tomorrow. I want her to answer the door when Robbie knocks to visit his son and still be sore from where I’ve been.
“Micah,” she moans. “Make me come.”
Wrapping my arms around her back, I give her everything I have. In my mind, I say everything I can’t utter out loud. In my head, she’s mine. She clenches around me, her body fluttering down the length of me, and I try to hold off. I slow down, cherishing the way she feels as she orgasms, but it’s just too good. She’s just too perfect to resist following her over the edge.
I kiss her through my release, tasting her breathlessness on my lips as she comes down from her high.
Chapter 15
Lucy
I let myself get lost in him for a few minutes longer when I wake up in his arms. The strength and the warmth of them are almost enough to make me forget just how messed up everything else is, but reality won’t stay in the darkness. Eventually, the sun will rise, and I’ll have to face the real world.
He shifts slightly when I slide away, his face scrunching in displeasure when I manage to free my body from under his arm. Finding my clothes is easier than I anticipate because he tossed them all in the same direction. Other than our clothes, there’s nothing else on the floor. His room is remarkably clean for a single man.
I can’t look back at him as I pull my jeans on. I already don’t want to leave. Seeing him one last time would be unbearable torture. Once fully dressed, I reach for the doorknob.
“If you’re going to leave me, at least face me when you do it.” His voice doesn’t hold the hint of sleep like I expect it to. He’s probably been awake since I climbed out of the bed.
The tears I thought I got control of last night are already falling by the time I turn around.
“Why are you crying? Don’t cry if they’re lies.”
“They’re not lies,” I assure him, wiping angrily at them.
“Then don’t make this goodbye.”
“It has to be.”
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t.”
“I want more.”
“I’ll give you the fucking world, Lucy. You have to know that.”
“How is that fair? How can we keep doing this when I’m going to have to leave?”
“Leave? You don’t have to leave.”
“Robbie will have to leave.”
“Then fucking let him.”
He’s not raising his voice, but I can tell that it’s taking a lot not to.
“He’s Harley’s father.”
“I’m not arguing that, but you’re talking about what’s fair. How is it fair for you to chase after him? To uproot your son? That’s not fair to him.”
Slapping me in the face would hurt less.
“It’s not fair that you have to be unhappy just because Robbie Farrow made bad life choices.”
“None of this is fair, but Harley needs his dad.”
“And I need you. Fuck, Lucy. Don’t you see that? And I need Harley, too.”
“We barely know each other.”
He nods, his face suddenly becoming an emotionless mask. “If that’s what you truly think, then maybe you should go.”
I watch him for a long moment, hesitant to walk out of here, but I really do need to leave. Had I gone to work, my shift would’ve ended fifteen minutes ago. I should already be at Mrs. Greene’s house picking up Harley.
My son is and always will be my number one priority. Maybe one of these days, Micah Cobreski will understand that’s why I have to walk away from him today. What I want, and what I need doesn’t matter. My happiness comes second to Harley’s. Even if my heart is breaking. If his heart is smiling, then it’s worth it.
“Goodbye,” I whisper as I turn to leave.
It’s early enough that I make it out of the building without running into another soul.
I cry the whole way home, and there’s no way to hide the destruction on my face when I pull into my driveway. I take a few minutes to myself, dabbing fast-food napkins from the glove box under my eyes, but they do nothing for the redness and swelling. I always try to hide my pain from Harley, but it’ll be impossible today.