Jack Daniels was a shitty substitute for company and he did me wrong this morning. His companionship left me miserable and dehydrated. It’ll be awhile before I meet up with that betraying bastard again.
The clubhouse is quiet, and I’m only half paying attention to the football game on the television. I’m watching the recording of it because I slept during the live version earlier. Lucy promised pictures last night of Harley opening his presents, but the images of him seeing his leather boots and various other riding gear never came. It’s for the best I guess because he’ll probably never get to use them, not with me at least.
If he was happy to receive them, I bet Robbie got to experience those smiles and that joy. I hate the man for it, but he’s the kid’s father. I wanted my dad around, remember longing for him on Christmas morning, hating the fake smiles my mom suffered through after his death. I don’t begrudge the man for getting to be there with his son.
“We’re heading to the bar,” Ace says as he walks into the room, Skid close on his heels. “Wanna come?”
I roll my head on the back of the sofa. “No thanks.”
I know exactly where I want to be, and it’s not in a bar filled with lonely women.
I know she has to work tonight because there were still a few call centers open today despite it being Christmas day, and it wouldn’t even be an option if she didn’t have a shift. Harley is home, and I don’t get to stay with her at night.
“Snake?” Ace asks from the front door.
“I’m staying here,” I snap. “Get off my dick about it.”
“You heard him, darlin’. He’s not interested.”
“I’m just—”
I pop up off the couch at her voice.
“Lucy?”
She gives me a weak smile, her cheeks rosy from the cold.
Ace winks at me as he steps around her on the front porch.
“Catch ya later!” My best friend gives me a quick wave, and he and Skid take off.
Tears are falling down her cheeks before I can get her inside.
“Did he hurt you? Where’s Harley? I’ll fucking kill him, Lucy.”
She shakes her head, her eyes darting all around as if she expects someone else to be in the room.
“Come on,” I tell her, my hand on her elbow as I usher her through the living room toward the hall. “We can talk in my room.”
She comes easily, bypassing Snatch and Itchy who are in the kitchen getting something to eat without a word. Within seconds, we’re closed inside my room. I flip the light on, my eyes raking over her person, checking for bruises or any sign that the motherfucker put his hands on her.
“I called in sick to work. Harley is with Mrs. Greene.” Her eyes take in my room. “I expected the clubhouse to be more active.”
“It was a couple of months ago.” My head is a riot of questions and emotions, but if she and Harley are safe, we can get to why she’s here at her own speed.
I swallow as her eyes search mine. If she’s here to break things off for good, maybe it’s best to just rip the bandage off and get it over with. I’m not one to shy away from pain, but I find myself scared to have my heart ripped from my chest right now.
She looks heartbroken as she drops to the edge of my bed, her focus now on her fingers as they tangle together.
“I didn’t know I could feel the way I do, and then Robbie showed up.”
“And you care for him.”
Pain greater than I’ve ever felt before threatens to knock me right off my feet.
“There’s no form of emotional connection to Robbie. I want him to succeed because he’s Harley’s dad, but when the high wore off, there was nothing left between us. I never lied to you about that. It ended years ago. We never should’ve gotten married.”
I stay quiet because I’m confused. I don’t want to speculate on where this is going.
“He’s not going to stay in Farmington because there’s no work for him here. After this job is done, he’s going to have to move on.” She draws in a shuddering breath, still refusing to look up at me. “He’s a felon, and I’m not going to support him. Robbie would never ask me to do that, but I won’t keep Harley from him either. He loves his dad.”
I inch closer, knowing touching her right now probably isn’t what she wants but I’m not able to stay away.
“I like what we started, but at the same time, it isn’t fair to either of us.”
“We don’t have to make any decisions right now,” I promise her. “Look at me, sweetheart.”
She doesn’t. Her head shakes, as if she’s telling me it’s just too painful to look at me.