Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.
He had to fuck me. I was gonna lose my mind if he couldn’t get hard again soon and fuck me stupid.
I had to wrench myself free just so I could force air into my lungs and finish him off properly. I licked and sucked every inch of him, making sure to draw out the last of his release, prolonging the moment. Fuck, I still wasn’t ready to stop. I wanted to keep going.
He didn’t let me. He shuddered and winced, presumably too sensitive now, and pulled me away from his cock. With his hands framing my face, he pressed his forehead to mine, and I felt how he panted in the empty space between us.
I licked my lips, tasting him everywhere, and I needed everything at once. More kissing, more sucking, hell of a lot more fucking. I was hard as a rock, and I had to squeeze my cock in a futile attempt to relieve the pressure.
He shook his head no against mine, then lifted his head enough to press his lips to my forehead. I felt them move against my skin, but it was impossible to understand what he was saying—if he was saying anything.
Then it didn’t matter. He stood up abruptly, and I fell back against the cold floor. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He was leaving. He grabbed the door handle, and before I knew it, he was gone.
“Fuck!” What had I done wrong? I couldn’t exactly run after him and ask. The sliver of light appeared under the door, and the shadows danced quickly as he, I was guessing, got dressed in a rush.
Goddammit.
My heart thundered for a new reason, only for it to sink like a rock into my stomach.
I couldn’t go home.
I found out Eric was working late at Finn’s office, so I threw my prop gym bag into the back of my car and left my Jersey hotel. Across the river, back in Philly, I bargained with myself. When I arrived at the office, I could look at the phone for messages, not a minute sooner. I wasn’t even sure why I couldn’t—part of me didn’t want to know, the other part… Fuck, I just didn’t know. I didn’t wanna discover I’d done something wrong. I didn’t want him to call off the arrangement. But something was up; that was for sure.
Regardless, the evening hadn’t gone as I’d hoped, and I felt a little emptier slipping back to my own life again. Kellan Ford didn’t get to show any affection to Shannon. He didn’t get to be honest about certain things. But here I was, showered and dressed again, in my own clothes, a smoke dangling between my lips as I parked outside of Finn’s business, and I felt like shit.
What was Shan doing right now? Was he at my place? He hadn’t told me why he was stepping out today, and I hadn’t asked. It would’ve been out of character to get personal on that level.
I killed the engine and threw the cigarette out the window.
I blew out a breath.
Why was I even here? I didn’t have any work planned tonight, and it wasn’t like Shan would reveal anything if I ran into him in the living room at home. But I reckoned there was still a risk he would…? Considering he’d opened up about a lot of things he’d never imagined discussing with me.
I guess that was what it boiled down to. I didn’t wanna face any more rejection tonight.
Just to get it over with, I checked the burner and didn’t know what to feel. No messages. No explanation. Nor did he owe me one. I sighed and threw the phone into the glovebox, then left the car and headed toward the entrance.
I punched in the security code and got in.
Eric sat in his office on the third and top floor, where he was happily alone. The security guards on duty hung out in the staff kitchen on the first floor until they got a call to go somewhere.
I knocked on the open door to Eric’s office, and he glanced away from his two hundred computer screens—or eight—and grinned lazily at me.
“Does the boss not give you enough work, mate?”
I smirked and joined him, snatching up an available chair.
It was good to see him. Probably the smartest guy in the entire syndicate, total nerd, wasn’t a fucking thing about computers he didn’t know. Of course he was Finn’s right-hand man at the firm. Together, they created much of their own software and security systems.
“He clearly gives you too much if you’re here at…” I checked my watch. “One AM.”
Eric chuckled and drank from his coffee. “It shouldn’t take too long, thankfully. I was just about to go to bed when I got the alert from one of my cameras.”