“Plenty of them.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “He was an asshole.”
So she’d heard, but Gwen pressed on with her questions. “Any enemies that might want him dead? That might want him and Ethan dead?”
“Ethan was in jail. He couldn’t hurt anyone in jail.” His hand dropped. “I wasn’t a good brother.”
This was not helping her investigation. “I need names. I need to know who would want your father to die like that—a shot to the head and—”
“Claire Kramer.” Her name was a sigh from Austin. “She’s the one who’d want him dead. Who’d want them both dead, but Claire doesn’t have the power to pull off something like this.”
Gwen wasn’t so certain of that. Claire’s new lover has plenty of power. “When was the last time you spoke with Claire?”
He laughed. “I haven’t spoken with her, not in years, but I know what they did.” His jaw tightened. “I know what they both did to Claire, and if anyone would’ve wanted to see my father and my brother rotting, it would be her.”
***
Her knees were shaking. Her stomach seemed to be tied in knots, and Claire was absolutely determined not to let Noah see her fear.
He tossed aside the phone that he’d held. His golden gaze locked on her.
“I am afraid of you,” Claire told him because she thought the words needed to be said.
His lips thinned. “Tell me something I didn’t know.”
A spark of anger ignited within her. “How can I not be afraid? You attacked that PI. You—you told me that you’d kill Ethan—”
“Like you hadn’t thought about killing him yourself? Come on, Claire. It’s just us. I won’t judge you for the darkness inside you.”
The darkness inside you. So he did see it. She’d wondered about that. Keeping her eyes on his, Claire admitted, “Only every day.”
His head cocked as he studied her.
“But if I killed Ethan, then wouldn’t I become just like him?” And that was the root of Claire’s terror. Ethan had been so drawn to her because he’d said they were the same. Mirror images, deep inside. She didn’t want to be the same as Ethan.
She didn’t want to kill. To destroy.
Claire never wanted to become so obsessed with one person that she let everything else slip away.
She couldn’t quite read Noah’s expression. Claire took a tentative step forward. “What’s the difference between love and obsession?” That one question had haunted her for so long.
Noah didn’t answer her.
“Have you ever been in love, Noah?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but Claire laughed, realizing what she’d just foolishly asked. “Of course, you haven’t. You’re the man with a new lover every night. You don’t want to love.”
“Love leads to pain,” Noah said.
Claire nodded. “I was told once that you were in love when you needed someone so much that you couldn’t bear to think of the world without that person, that you couldn’t live without that person being near.” She wet her too-dry lips. “I think that’s obsession. A need that dominates you. Consumes you. A need for one other person. A need that makes you do…anything…to possess that person.”
He was as still as a statue before her.
“Ethan thought he loved me, but I don’t believe Ethan could love.” Time to confess all. “I don’t think I can love, either.” She’d just been getting by, in a void, for so long. Watching the world. Hiding from herself.
From everyone.
“Do you think you can love?” Claire asked him.
His eyes glittered. “Do you want me to say that I love you?”
“No.” Because she wouldn’t believe him if he did. “You don’t. You want to fuck me. I think you want to protect me, because you and Trace—” The slightly bitter laughter slipped from her again. “You both hold yourselves responsible for Sara’s death. You’re trying to make amends somehow to me.”
“I do want to protect you.”
But you don’t love me.
“I’m asking if you can love, Noah.” And it was so important to her. “Love or obsession…what is life about to you?”
His gaze slid from hers. “I think there’s a thin line between love and obsession.”
Her breath whispered out.
“I already feel obsessed with you,” he said, his voice gravel-rough, “but you know that, don’t you?”
Yes.
“I won’t ever hurt you,” Noah told her. The words were stark. “I need you to believe that.”
Not her. She didn’t think he would physically hurt her, but what about someone else? She’d been so wrong about a lover before. Trusting Noah completely seemed an impossible task.
“I’m not like Ethan Harrison. Anything that happens between you and me…it happens because it is what you want to happen. It’s about what you need.”
She needed him. She needed to feel like any other woman. “I didn’t date again after Ethan. Didn’t go to prom or any parties in college. I stayed as far away from men as I could get.” She was trying to explain, and Claire was afraid he just wouldn’t understand her. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know if what I’m feeling for you is normal and—” Right. She swallowed and finished, “Or if it’s wrong.” Claire had whispered like the shameful secret it was.
Her eyes lowered. She was staring at the lush carpet, and she saw his legs moving toward her.
“Ethan told me that I was just like him. That I consumed him. And at first, I felt like he consumed me, too.” There was so much pain in those memories. “I feel the same way with you.”
His fingers slid under her chin. He forced her head to lift, but her gaze darted over his shoulder.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
Slowly, afraid to see his gaze, afraid of what would be in his gaze, she did.
“How do you feel when you’re with me? Tell me…exactly.”
“I want to let go.”
A furrow appeared between his brows.
“I want to stop playing it safe. I want to not care what happens beyond the pleasure that you can give me and the pleasure I can give you.”
That furrow smoothed away. His eyes heated.
“I want to let go,” she said again as their eyes held. “I want to burn instead of always being cold. I want to claw your back. I want to buck against your hips. I want to scream.”
“All you have to do is ask.”
It wasn’t that simple. “I have no control. I lose myself when we’re together, and I-I just want more and more.” More of his heat. More of the pleasure. More of the pretense that she wasn’t broken beyond repair.