“I let him in. I had to. It was either that, or he could’ve plunged to his death,” I retort.
She laughs. “I doubt he would’ve actually died, but he might’ve broken a bone and ended his football career forever.”
Frowning, I shake my head. I didn’t even think of that. He is such an impulsive idiot sometimes, putting himself at risk in such a foolish way. All because of me.
You’re worth it, is what he would’ve said.
Before we ended things.
“He’s crazy,” I murmur.
“Yes, he is,” Ellie readily agrees. “So tell me. Did you guys…do anything?”
I think of the kiss, how hot it was. How easy it would’ve been to succumb to it. To give in to him. He’s got very persuasive lips.
Persuasive everything.
“No.”
“Really?” She sounds doubtful.
“We kissed,” I admit, closing my eyes. I’m still in bed, in my room, and it’s almost ten in the morning. I’m not one to sleep in, but I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I kept running over what happened. What he said. What I said. The taste of his lips. His hard body on top of mine…
I finally drifted off to sleep only to dream of him. Of course. When I finally woke up, confused and sweating, I realized quickly the house was quiet. Pretty sure everyone is gone and I’m glad. I know Beck is at school, but I don’t know where my parents are, or even when they actually left.
It’s okay, though. I’d rather not face them this morning. Not that they have any clue that Eli “stopped by” last night, but I’m still frazzled by his brief visit.
“Oooh, you guys kissed? Not surprising. How was it?” She sounds like the Ellie I knew back in middle school, when we were so young and silly and gossiped about boys and the popular group and who was going out with who.
“It was terrible,” I lie.
No, it was amazing. Even better than I remember. Is it my mind playing tricks on me? I go without for months, so any little show of attention from Eli sets me on fire? Am I that pathetic?
Or is it just that fiery between us still?
“You’re a liar,” Ellie says, not holding back.
Busted. “Fine. It wasn’t terrible. But I’m still so frustrated with him, Ellie. He says the worst things.”
“He always has,” Ellie points out.
Hmm. My best friend knows Eli better than I thought.
“Did he apologize yet?” she asks.
“No, of course he didn’t.”
Instead of forcing him back out my window, I opened the door of my bedroom for him, so he could exit the house like a normal human being. I asked if he wanted me to walk him to the front door and he said he knew where it was, I didn’t need to bother.
So I didn’t.
Even though I wanted to.
I waited a few minutes after he left, closing the curtains immediately but sneaking looks out the window to see if his car was still parked out front. He sat in that car for a while. I don’t know what he was doing. Thinking? Contemplating coming back into the house and talking to me?
I stood by the window with my heart in my throat, my stomach twisted in knots, secretly praying he would come to his senses and march back into the house, up the stairs and into my room and tell me he was sorry and that he loved me more than anything in the world.
But he did none of that. He eventually started the car and pulled away from the curb, disappearing into the night. I went downstairs, locked the front door, went back into my room and cried my eyes out into my pillow.