“I love you too.” She winds her legs around my hips, holding on. “I love you so much.”
Ah this girl.
She will be the end of me.
Thirty-Three
Ava
“Eli.” We’re sitting at the tiny table in their dining room, and I’m watching him eat. I’m already stuffed full of pizza—it was so delicious—and now I’m perfectly content watching my man munch on a breadstick that he keeps dipping in ranch. He’s so attractive, even when he eats and I exhale softly, caught up in my thoughts.
The father of my future child. Crazy, isn’t it? I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant, and now I’m overwhelmed with love for this man.
“Ava.” He grabs his water bottle and takes a long swig. “What’s up, babe?”
I’m also full of doubt. My thoughts ping pong back and forth, leaving me second guessing every choice we’re making. “Are you sure we’re doing the right thing?”
We’re the only two in the apartment. Caleb left a while ago to go hang out with Gracie for the evening. It’s the perfect time for me to say something to Eli in the hopes he can reassure me the decisions we’re making are the right ones.
“About what?” he asks with a frown.
“About you and me, and…the baby.”
His entire expression lights up. I think he loves the idea of having a baby, and I was so scared to tell him, unsure of his reaction.
I shouldn’t have been scared over telling him.
“We’re definitely doing the right thing,” he says firmly.
“And we’re not going to get into another stupid argument and act selfish toward each other?” I sound scared, only because I kind of am.
After everything we’ve been through, I can’t help but be a little worried.
And full of doubt over everything too. All of it. My future, which I thought I knew was certain. I had a plan. One that didn’t include Eli, and I told myself I was okay with it. I could survive without him.
Until I realized I was pregnant and I knew I didn’t want to raise a child alone.
Am I wanting to be with him because I truly love him or because I didn’t want to do this alone? I don’t know.
I’m so confused.
And I hate it.
My love for Eli is real. I can’t deny that, but I also still feel really alone. And with nothing else to occupy my mind, when everyone else is busy living their lives and being productive, I’m quietly freaking out, soaking in my emotions and feeling like a failure.
God, I really need to get over myself.
“Oh, we’ll definitely get into arguments. Can’t deny that,” Eli says with a chuckle. “But I won’t be selfish with you.”
“You won’t?” My voice is so small, I sound pitiful.
He slowly shakes his head, pushing his empty plate away from him. “I love you, Ava. And I love that baby growing inside of you too. Like you said earlier, it’s not just about me anymore. It’s about us. And our future. I’m going to work my hardest to make sure I can give you and the baby whatever you need. I’m going to take care of you and our family. I promise.”
His words ignite a flicker of hope in my chest. I watch him, at a loss for what to say. He’s acting right, and saying the right things, but is that only because I put those things into his head?
And since when have I ever doubted Eli so much before? This isn’t normal for me.
Maybe I’m just hormonal.