That was weird.
“You look better,” Dad says as he comes to stand next to me on the lawn. “Got a little pink in your cheeks.”
We’ve been playing catch with the guys for at least an hour, and wh
ile I’m over here panting, ready to be done with all the running around since I’m woefully out of shape, nobody else looks in a hurry to wrap this up. My cousin Knox is standing on the other side of my dad, tossing insults at his father and my brother and sister, which is cracking me up and making me forget my troubles, at least temporarily.
I love Knox. He’s funny. Reminds me of my uncle.
“Fresh air will do wonders for a person. Isn’t that what you always used to tell us,” I reply, hoping he won’t ask me too many questions. He hasn’t since the re-breakup went down, thank God, but I’m sure he knows why I’m sad.
Mom probably filled him in with all the details, though I didn’t tell her every single one.
“It is.” Beck sails the ball right at Dad and he catches it with one hand. Impressive. “And it’s true. You’ve been locked up in your room for weeks, Ava. You’re worrying me.”
Parental guilt is real. And while my parents aren’t the type to lay it on thick, when they do say stuff like what Dad just did, well…
They succeed in making me feel bad.
“I’m okay,” I say with the smallest smile. “I just need to get over myself.”
Dad makes a harumphing sound. “More like you need to get over someone else.”
“Do you hate him?” I ask, despising the worry in my voice. I don’t want my father to hate Eli. A few months ago, yes, I wanted it. But right now?
No. I don’t understand why either. This entire situation between us has been so confusing.
“Time out,” Dad calls to everyone, holding his hand up before he returns his attention to me. Everyone else ignores us and starts throwing the ball to each other, taking us completely out of it. “No, I don’t hate Eli Bennett. I just hate what he’s done to my daughter.”
I swallow hard, telling myself not to fall apart and cry. It’s difficult, though, when you’ve got your daddy, your original protector, standing in front of you with concern etched all over his face, sounding like he’s still my knight in shining armor. “We’ve done the same thing to each other, and it’s so stupid.”
I realize this. I realized this almost instantly after our last conversation. Two wrongs don’t make a right. But how can I be understanding and supportive when he didn’t do the same for me? Should I have been the understanding girlfriend and given him what he wanted as an example of how to really be?
Maybe.
Though I can’t regret what I’ve done. It’s too late to change it now.
“Your mother and I were younger than you two when we first got together.” His smile is faint. “And we did some really stupid shit.”
I can’t help but laugh, which makes him chuckle too. “Mom has mentioned a few things.”
“Really?” He lifts his brows. “Well, whatever she’s said, I’m sure it was actually ten times worse. I was a complete dumbass who ran away from my feelings.”
Eli is always too much in his feelings. He doesn’t want to run away from them. He wants to soak in them and rehash them over and over again.
“And I tried my best to distance myself from your mother to protect her,” he continues. “Didn’t work. She forced herself back into my life.”
“You wanted her to though,” I say to him.
“Oh yeah. I definitely wanted her to, though at the time, I didn’t see it. She was the light to my dark. And I used to be—really dark,” he admits.
I can’t even fathom it. My father is the most loving, protective man I know. Even when we were little and he wasn’t around much, thanks to his NFL career, he always made time for us. Made each of us, and our mother, feel special.
“I don’t believe it,” I tease him.
“It’s true. I was dealing with my personal demons and your mother helped me get through it,” he says with a nod. “Eli has his own demons to battle. He’s a different kind of player than I ever was. Much more—”
“Emotional,” I finish for him. “His emotions are a blessing and a curse.”