She’s quiet for a moment, and I wonder if I said too much. Or not enough? I never know with this girl. Sometimes, she makes me uneasy. Just when I think I have her figured out, she surprises me by changing it up.
I like that about her.
“I have to go slow,” she finally says. “To make sure this is what I really want.”
“What do you mean, go slow? You never go slow,” I remind her.
“Right. It’s normally full speed ahead, and I’m bored immediately, ready to get rid of the guy and move on to the next.” She slowly shakes her head, as if she’s disappointed in herself. “I’m tired of that. I—value your friendship too, Caleb. And while I’m so incredibly tempted to just throw myself at you and have a wild time this summer, I also know we could do some serious damage to our friendship by having sex.”
Again, she’s so rational. Her explanation makes total sense. But…
Here’s where I think like a dog. She’s student teaching in the fall. She won’t really be on campus anymore. And once she becomes an actual teacher, she’s off campus forever and I’ll be a senior and we won’t ever have to see each other again if we don’t want to. Yeah, Tony and Hayden will most likely still be together—they are seriously so disgustingly in love it’s sort of pathetic—but that doesn’t mean I have to hang out with them when Gracie is around.
She’ll be easy to avoid if it all falls apart.
Does this make me a complete dick, that I’m thinking like this?
Yes. Yes, it absolutely does. But I can’t help it. This is how I roll. I am who I am. And Gracie knows this. She knows who she’s dealing with. I’m not going to change.
Even though I’ve already conceded to her on the kissing thing. For Gracie, I’ll make the exception.
But that’s it. That’s the only concession I’ll make. Everything else we do will be on my terms. If not, then we’re done for. Finished.
“We won’t ruin our friendship over a couple of quick fucks,” I say quietly, making a face as soon as the words leave my mouth. Again, I sound like a jerk. Why do girls bring this out of me?
More like, why do I always say this kind of shit to girls?
My friends would say this is just who I am, and maybe that’s true, but sometimes I wonder if I could eventually calm the hell down, find a nice little woman to settle with and not act like such an egotistical, perverted asshole all the time.
I’m sure I could do that eventually, but as for now?
I’m happy with who I am.
“Ha!” she says, the sound sharp. “Whatever you say.”
I watch her for a while, but she won’t even look in my direction. “I’m assuming you’re not going to get naked with me tonight.”
“Your assumption is correct.”
I bang the back of my head against the passenger seat. “Another night of jerking off in the shower then.”
She laughs. Evilly, I might add. “Sorry to disappoint, but I guess so.”
“You’re missing out, you know,” I mutter, closing my eyes.
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, for sure. Why let all that be wasted in a shower?”
“I’m not ready for you yet,” she says primly.
“You can handle me.”
“Ugh, you make it sound so dirty.”
I crack open my eyes to watch her. “You know whatever happens between us eventually, it’s going to be dirty.”
I render her silent again, and it fills me with so much satisfaction that I close my eyes once more and slowly drift off.