Because I know that’s what’s going to happen. People will talk. They’ll gossip. It’ll spread like wildfire that Caleb and I are dating, and some of them will resent me. They already do, so why not add one more thing to the mix, am I right?
Caleb shrugs. “Who cares? I doubt anyone listens to her anyway.”
“I don’t know about that,” I say, hating how unsure I sound, but I can’t help it.
And I’m sure more people listen to her than he thinks.
We spend what’s left of our shift avoiding each other, which isn’t difficult. A few of the other guys who work on the dock cluster together, whispering amongst themselves, and I get the sense that they’re talking about us. Maybe it’s the way they turn and stare at me every few minutes that gives them away.
I’m not sure.
Once the second shift shows up, Caleb and I head up to the restaurant together, where we have to clock out. I can tell he wants to say something the entire walk, but I remain silent, frustration rippling through me. Doesn’t help that when we enter the building, all heads swivel in our direction, curiosity in their gazes.
Looks like Noelle has already started spreading the rumor that Caleb and I are together. We probably shouldn’t have walked in at the same time to clock out, but too late to worry about that now.
Caleb lingers to talk to a few of them while I go back outside, standing on the front porch and staring out at the lake. A bunch of little kids sit on the bench that’s right by the entrance, all of them licking furiously at their melting ice cream cones. Their faces are messy and they smell like sunscreen, which isn’t a bad thing. Their skin gleams pink from the sun and I watch them, smiling faintly.
I like kids a lot. This is why I’m excited to be a teacher. I think they’re funny and smart and I love how honest they are, especially the younger ones. I’ll be student teaching in a third-grade classroom for the upcoming school year, though I really want to teach kindergarten or first graders once I find an actual job. Hayden and I both prefer the younger grades. They’re sweeter. More innocent. They’re also more dependent and not always as focused, but I can deal with that.
“Oh hey, there you are,” Caleb says when he exits the building. “You okay?”
I glance over at him. “They’re all talking about us.”
He frowns. “You think so?”
I nod. “Definitely. And now they all hate me even more than they did when they didn’t think I was your girlfriend.”
“They don’t hate you.”
“They’re not very friendly, Caleb. They feel like I stole the dock girl job from them,” I say.
“They couldn’t all be dock girls,” he points out, which is true but still.
I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean.”
We head down the steps at the same time, in sync as we turn toward the back of the building where Caleb parked this morning. I sort of hate how in sync we are. Again, it’s as if we really are a couple. Is this some sort of sign that we should give it a try?
Ugh, no. I can’t give us a try. He’ll fuck with my heart, I know it. This is a guy who views life as one big joke. And getting with girls is an endless party. He will use me—and use me well, I’m sure of it—I’ll fall for him and then he’ll leave me behind. It’ll hurt more with Caleb because I’ll still have to see him. Deal with him. Work with him.
Live with him.
I should’ve never listened to Eli. His idea was so stupid. Move in with us, he said. You’ll save rent and feel safe living with two guys, he said.
Living with Caleb doesn’t make me feel safe at all. He makes me feel unsure and nervous. He makes me want something I shouldn’t. He makes me feel a lot of emotions I don’t understand, and can’t explain.
Men in general are users. This is why I became one myself, I think. Beat them at their own game, so to speak. Watching my mother suffer through my father’s antics over the years—lying and cheating, just to name a few—made me realize I don’t want that kind of life. It’s better to keep them at an arm’s length than let them get too close. I can flirt and fall for them just like anyone else, but that’s it. That’s as far as I’ll let it go.
Caleb pulls his keys out of his pocket and hits the unlock button. I climb into the car, wincing at the stifling heat, pressing my body against the passenger door once I’ve closed it, hoping for distance from him.
But it’s impossible. He climbs into the car and eats up all the space. He’s big and broad and difficult to ignore, especially in the close confines of his vehicle. He should be driving a truck. Or a SUV. Something big with plenty of space so my arm doesn’t brush against his every time I move.
“Why are you looking like you’re going to hop out of the car at any moment?” he asks me once he’s pulled out of the parking lot and we’re on the road headed home.
“What do you mean?” I try to ignore the slight pain I’m currently experiencing with my shoulder slammed against the door.
“Afraid I’m going to touch you?” He reaches toward me, wagging his fingers in my direction. I recoil from them and his hand immediately returns to the steering wheel. “Get over it, G. No one’s around to see us.”
I push away from the door and slump in my seat, crossing my arms and huffing out a breath. Acting like a baby, which kind of sucks, but I can’t help it. What is it about this guy that makes me behave so…ridiculously? “Why did you have to tell Noelle we were together?”