He hates that. I know he does, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it for him. “You’ll get your chance.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” He shrugs one broad shoulder. “See you Monday?”
I nod, fighting the sadness that threatens to overtake me. “Be safe.”
His gaze softens. “You too.”
I watch him walk to his car, wishing he would’ve at least kissed me goodbye. Said something growly and sexy like he did last night. We may have had a mini make-out session at my apartment, but it wasn’t much, and I wanted more.
With Jackson, I always want more.
Right now, we’re acting…normal. Like we’re not trying to be anything other than friends.
And that’s depressing.
Twenty-Three
Jackson
The next few weeks pass by in a blur. Two away games in a row. Plenty of practices leading up to them. Lots of travel that leaves us exhausted but luckily enough, we win both games.
Not that I had anything to do with it.
Now it’s the long awaited first week in October—bye week for the Bulldog football team. It’s a relief to not have a game to play this weekend, and our practices so far aren’t nearly as intense. Which is good because I have other things happening.
Like a performance Thursday at Strummers, just for Rick and the execs at Evergreen Records. All of my friends are going as a show of support. I warned Caleb he can’t yell anything obscene, and he seemed disappointed. He might’ve also pouted like a little baby. Tough shit. I’m not going to let him make fun of me while I’m on stage.
I have people to impress.
Ellie will be there too, of course. Speaking of her…
We haven’t seen each other much these last couple of weeks. She’s always working. I’m in class—she’s in class. Or I have football. I leave for an away game. We haven’t been able to connect except through text, and I miss her.
I told myself not having her around would be a sign. Maybe even help me realize I don’t need her in my life like I thought I did. I was acting like a possessive fuck around her, and I didn’t like it. That’s not me.
But absence can make the heart grow fonder, and that’s exactly what’s happening with me when it comes to Ellie. I miss her so damn much it feels like there’s a hole in my heart, which is some dramatic, sappy shit. Just call me John Mayer because I’m writing songs about it, too. Emotional ones that are about her smiling face and other parts of her I want to explore.
I’m debuting a song Thursday night. Hopefully she won’t be too offended.
More than anything? Hopefully she’ll realize the song is about her.
After practice Wednesday night—our last one for the week, thank God—we head over to the Doghouse Grill for dinner, and I’m pretty sure Ellie’s working. I’m not even that hungry, but I’m glad we’re going there. Eli is in the best mood I’ve seen him in a long time, and that’s thanks to Ava arriving tomorrow.
“Smiling because you know you’re getting some pussy tomorrow?” Caleb asks Eli as we walk toward the restaurant entrance.
Tony slaps him on the back of the head. “So crude.”
“Sorry, Dad.” Caleb glares at Tony. I laugh. Eli just shakes his head.
“I’m glad she’ll be here tomorrow,” is all Eli says. And that’s all he has to say. We know he’s glad. He’s been missing his girl something fierce.
I think about me and Ellie. If she left and went to school somewhere else. Or if I left for another tour. Moved to Los Angeles to pursue this music career thing for real. What would I do? How would we do?
Frowning, I shake my head. Why am I even thinking like this? We’re not actually together. I’m still as free as a bird. So is she. If I moved, we’d both have to move on. There would be no other choice.
I rub my chest absently, my heart aching just thinking about it.
Yep. I am in way too deep. I need to get over myself. Stay strong. Remember she’s just a girl. A girl I like. A good friend. That’s it.