He’d never say it out loud, but I think he’s almost—scared of fame. Scared of the responsibilities. The expectations. The pressure. He’s not one who deals well with pressure. Not at all.
And maybe now he’s regretting his life choices, and I wonder if that includes me.
No, not me, I think as he watches me, his eyes full of emotion, his perfect lips curled into this knowing half-smile. I can’t help but smile in return, the both of us barely looking away from each other as the server arrives with our meals. He’s happy with me.
I can tell.
Twenty-Nine
Jackson
“I don’t want her going back to school,” Eli says to me as we watch Ava and Ellie sitting together outside at Ava’s parents’ house. We were all invited to the Callahans’ home Saturday afternoon for a barbecue and it feels like everyone is here, except Jake and his girl and Autumn and Asher Davis.
Ash went pro. Autumn is the newest Instagram sensation, gathering lots of followers as she documents her new life as the fiancée of a future quarterback superstar. Jake is too busy kicking ass on the USC football team. Hannah is in art school, doing what she loves.
I’m jealous of all four of them. I can admit it. They’re doing exactly what they want, and enjoying every minute of it. While I’m stuck in between two worlds, not sure where I fit in. I love football, but I’m not getting the chance to play. I love making music, but I’m starting to realize I was a damn fool for thinking I could actually be successful at it.
It was a mistake, not agreeing to one of those contracts when they were offered. Now I’ve got nothing.
Well, I’ve got my friends. And Ellie.
Ellie.
My gaze lingers on her, how she throws her head back and laughs at something Ava says. Jocelyn is sitting with them, as well as Baylee, who Caleb brought with him. For whatever reason, they’re all getting along perfectly well, which is shocking considering Baylee’s association with the awful Cami Lockhart. That girl destroyed more relationships than she actually had herself during her time in high school.
Wonder where she’s at now?
Best if I don’t ask, especially Eli, who had his own run-in with her. Multiple times.
“I don’t blame you,” I finally say to him, glancing over at him. His expression is grim, his jaw tight, his lips thin. He doesn’t look happy, when he should be soaking up these last hours with his girlfriend. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Long distance relationships are bullshit,” he mutters fiercely. “Having her here this weekend is reminding me why I hate them. I don’t want to let her go.”
“Yeah.” I sip from my water bottle. I’m glad the Callahan family invited us to their house, and I’m having a good time, but we’re keeping it clean. Ava’s parents don’t let us drink in front of them, not like my dad, who would provide me with plenty of alcohol and weed any time I asked for it. He’d leave me a stash of both, since he was always working or out of town. This is why I was always partying in high school. Kind of fucked-up, but back then, I thought it was great.
We all did.
“You and Ellie for real now?” he asks me out of nowhere.
I shrug. “We haven’t actually talked about it and made it official, but I think so.”
“She can’t quit looking over here at you,” he observes.
“I’m doing the same thing to her,” I say, smiling at her when our gazes lock. She returns the smile with a shy one of her own before she resumes her conversation with her friends.
“You’ve got it so bad,” Eli says, shaking his head. “Finally.”
“I shouldn’t have led her on like I did for so long,” I admit, suddenly feeling down on myself. An emotion I’ve been battling with all weekend.
The disappointing meeting with Rick and his people won’t leave me, and it’s colored my mood. Even having Ellie all to myself for the entire weekend since she took the time off for Ava’s visit hasn’t completely lifted my spirits, though it’s been the perfect distraction. Just the one I needed.
I’m happy with her, I really am. We can’t get enough of each other, and she’s surprisingly wild in bed. Girl does not hold back, and I appreciate that.
A lot.
But I’d hoped to not only be having the time of my life with her, I’d fully expected to have something lined up with Evergreen. My future, solidified.
Instead, I feel like I’m floundering more than ever.