“If you’re not happy, I’m not happy. End of story.” She grabs hold of my shoulders and gives me a gentle shake. “Is it Jackson?”
I nod, exhaling loudly. “He’s such a prick.”
“Is he now?” Ava arches a brow, sounding amused. “So tell me. Have you seen his prick yet?”
I laugh. That was just the thing I needed to hear. “No. But I’ve felt it.”
She gapes at me. “You haven’t seen it?”
“We haven’t done much.” I shrug.
“You said you hooked up. He fingered you.”
I hate how my friends say fingered. It’s kind of—ick. “I never did anything to him.”
“What? Unbelievable.” Ava shakes her head. She and Eli have been sexually active since she was sixteen. Those two go at it all the time. “Jackson needs to make a move.”
“That’s pretty much what I told him.” I explain everything that’s happened between us to Ava. Like break it all down, right there in the middle of my bathroom while we get ready for Jackson’s performance at Strummers tonight. I wanted to back out, but it would look weird if I didn’t show when all the rest of our friends will be there. Diego and Jocelyn even got a babysitter for Gigi so they could go. If I didn’t show my face, the gang would know something’s up.
“Maybe you overreacted,” Ava says when I finish speaking.
“Nope. I didn’t.” I shake my head, not about to take responsibility for the blow up. “He’s the one with jealousy issues, yet he never tells me that he actually wants to be with me. If I give him a piece of myself and then he dumps me for some other random girl to hook up with after a performance or game or whatever? Forget that. I don’t want to be just another girl added to his list.”
“You’re already on the list,” she reminds me gently.
“I’ve never allowed his P into my V, as Gracie says.” I roll my eyes while Ava laughs. “And that P is coming nowhere near me if he can’t tell me, Ellie, I want to be with you. He couldn’t manage it last night. What’s going to change?”
Ava’s laughter dies and she sends me a sad smile. “Are you going to be okay at Strummers?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Probably. I’ve done this sort of thing before. Watched him with adoration in my eyes while hundreds of girls and Caleb scream his name.”
We both smile, thinking of Caleb fangirl screaming.
“I heard Caleb isn’t allowed to scream his name tonight. Not with those record execs coming to watch him perform,” Ava tells me.
Right. The record execs. Jackson told me about his call with the guy from Evergreen last week. I hope it works out for him, though he’ll probably tell them no anyway.
And I’m sad no one told me about Caleb not being allowed to scream how hot Jackson is like he usually does. But I haven’t been hanging around any of them lately. I’ve been too busy. And okay…maybe I’m distancing myself from the gang. They all surround Jackson continuously, keeping us linked. I might need to break that connection.
Sooner than I thought.
“I’ll go tonight, but if he acts like a jerk, forget it. I won’t stick around,” I say.
“We’re all going to hang out at Eli and Jackson’s apartment after the concert,” Ava says, reaching out to gently touch my arm. “I want you there.”
“And I would love to be there, but I can’t go.” I shake my head, anxiety filling me just at the thought of being there. “I have to protect myself.”
“I get it. I do.” She hauls me in for another hug. Ava is never one to avoid her emotions. That’s one of my favorite things about her. “He’s a fucker.”
“Who? Jackson?” I start to laugh.
She pulls away from me, her expression fierce. “He is. A complete motherfucker. Why does he have to toy with your emotions like this? Why can’t he just give in and tell you what you want to hear?”
“Because maybe he doesn’t feel that way about me. I don’t want him saying those things if he doesn’t mean it.” My words are logical, as are my thoughts. And I tell myself it’s okay if he doesn’t actually feel that way about me.
But it hurts. It hurts like crazy because why else would he get jealous over Carson? Is Jackson that much in denial? Or is he one of those assholes who doesn’t want me, but doesn’t want anyone else to have me either?
I’m guessing the latter. So many guys are like that. It’s such bullshit.