“Christian,” she breathed out, and I swear my cock got harder.
I moved up to her face, and our mouths were parted as we both panted profusely, clinging onto every sensation of our lovemaking. I felt myself start to come apart, and she was right there with me.
“I love you,” she repeated over and over, coming down my balls and on the bed, taking me right over the edge with her. I shook with my release and passionately kissed her again, wanting to savor this moment a little longer. We stayed like that for I don’t know how long.
I kissed all around her face.
Her neck.
Her breasts.
Once it was time to go to the bathroom, I carried her in there with me and turned on the shower.
To take care of what was mine, now and forever.
Chapter 15
Christian
Now
I walked into our lawyer’s office like a man on death row. I could still taste Kinley on my fucking tongue as I made my way into the conference room of this godforsaken building. When I didn’t see her sitting there, for a moment I thought she’d come to her senses and she couldn’t go through with this.
After what happened last night, it was obvious she didn’t want this divorce either. She was just too fucking stubborn to admit it. However, my hopes were dashed when I saw her out on the balcony that overlooked the lake behind the building.
The second I stepped outside, I took a long, deep breath, feeling as though I couldn’t breathe again. Kinley was against the railing, her shoulders were hunched over, and her body was slightly trembling. I could hear her soft cries through the breeze in the air, only further proving my point.
She was still mine.
Normally, seeing her like this would have made me feel content, knowing she was hurting like I was, but at that moment, it was the complete opposite effect. I didn’t want this for her, and I felt awful she was breaking down, here of all places.
Where we’d sign our divorce papers, and it’d be the end of us.
“Christian, I know you’re behind me,” she declared, not turning around. “I can feel you. Do you think it will always be like that? Me being able to feel you when you’re near?”
“I hope so.”
She shook her head, scoffing out, “Is that why you came to the house last night? To make me feel like absolute shit right now? We made love all night and now … now we’re about to sign divorce papers, and all I can think is what the fuck are we doing? Even with all the shit I went through as a child with my mother, I’ve never felt so lost before.”
“Then come back to me, sweetness.”
Her breathing hitched as soon as she felt me come up behind her shuddering frame. She didn’t turn around, and she didn’t move. She was frozen in the spot she stood, aware that if I touched her, she’d break down in my arms.
I closed my eyes, waiting for I didn’t know what. Feeling her devastation on every inch of my body was by far the worst pain I’d ever experienced. We weren’t even touching, yet I felt her all over.
Her sadness.
Her uncertainty.
Especially her love for me.
I leaned in, just inches away from her neck, and let my breath brush against her ear, causing shivers to course through her and her knees to buckle.
She wrapped her arms around her stomach in a comforting gesture. Her emotions were threatening to spill. Our vows were revealing themselves. I wanted to consume her with my presence, wanting her to feel afflicted.
Conflicted.
So she’d miss my touch.
My voice.
My love…
“We don’t have to do this, baby.”
“Yes, we do.”
“Why, Kinley? Why are you doing this to us? Look at you. You don’t want this. You can’t even fucking look at me right now.”
I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly becoming dry. My head spun in a whirlwind of emotions. Battling with my heart to move or to stay grounded on what I wanted.
Needed.
Couldn’t live without.
Her eyes followed the movement of my strong arms as they came around her body. Skimming the sides of her ribs, I placed my hands on the railing out in front of her.
Caging her against my body, my scent, my ink that was permanently covered on my skin, proudly displaying our life together. My chest piece was memories of us, and the closer I got to her, the more I could feel her turmoil burning a hole into my chest. I could sense she wanted me to put my hands on her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If I did, I’d never be able to let her go again.
I had no words.
All I had left was devastation.
I didn’t want to touch her…
But I couldn’t help myself.
Again, I never could when it came to her.