River nodded. “Yes. I suspected he would do that someday.”
It would have been good if River had told her. “But I tried to get him to date me in high school and he said no.”
A frown crossed River’s face. “Luce, that was years and years ago. You didn’t exactly tell him you wanted to date him. You asked him to prom, and he suggested the three of us go together as friends. Are you still angry with him for that?”
“No. Of course not.” It had been a little more complex than that, but she understood that’s what River believed. “I tried to kiss him. I kind of threw myself at him, and he turned me down. I almost understand why he did it now. We’re too important to risk it.”
“Risk your friendship?” River asked.
“Yes.” She’d missed him so much while he’d been in college. She’d been sore about his rejection for a while, but Ty had worked his way back into her life, and when he’d left for college, the world had seemed a bit dimmer. “What if it didn’t work out?”
“That is what you say when you don’t really want a guy.”
Lucy huffed. “Well, that’s what he said to me back in high school.”
River nodded at her like she’d just made her point. “So you are still mad about it. Come on. You know Ty. Have you asked him why he really turned you down? You asked him to prom. You asked him a couple of months before he was leaving. Up until that moment you didn’t show any interest in him at all.”
It had been hard to be close to him but to never be with him. It was funny, though, because for all Ty’s golden good looks, he hadn’t had a high school girlfriend. He’d seemed happy to be around her and River and Sawyer. “I’ve loved him since I was a kid, but I didn’t want a boyfriend for a long time.”
“Because of your dad,” River said with obvious sympathy.
So many things went back to how she’d been raised. “It was a lot of things, but yeah. I watched my dad go through woman after woman, and it seemed like friends were a better thing to be. Not that Dad had female friends.”
“No, but he did have a bunch of drinking buddies who would show up and harass you when we were teens,” River pointed out. “I always wondered if one of them ever tried anything he shouldn’t.”
“A couple of times,” Lucy admitted. Sometimes her dad had parties that went late into the night, and more than once one of his friends had thought it would be funny to hit on his teenaged daughter. “But I got away and I told my dad. To his credit he believed me and took care of it. They didn’t come around again. And yes, I think that was part of it. I was scared of intimacy for a long time. Dad doesn’t party that way anymore. That’s why I was able to leave. Now he’s just lazy, but I don’t worry about anything bad happening to the girls. Back in high school, I finally realized I wasn’t going to get what I wanted if I never tried, and Ty said no.”
“He knew he was going to college and that he wouldn’t be home for more than holidays and summers for four years. He asked you to come with him.”
“He was joking about that.” It had been an absurd idea. She’d thought he was afraid of going alone.
“No, he wasn’t,” River countered. “He had it planned out. I remember vividly. He had the applications for that community college that was close to his. He was going to apply for all kinds of scholarships and loans for you, but you told him no.”
“I couldn’t leave my brothers and sisters.” She hadn’t gone to college for a lot of reasons, money being the simplest one. Family was much more complex. “They needed me. Dad won’t hurt them, but he thinks they should be able to do everything for themselves, and that included feeding themselves when they were just kids. I couldn’t go with Ty. Do you think I didn’t want to?”
“Did you ask him to stay?” River asked, though she knew the answer. They’d had this conversation before, so Lucy took it as a reminder of what the real history was. Sometimes she needed that.
“He had a scholarship. I couldn’t ask him to stay.” Even if she’d wanted to, which she hadn’t at the time because he’d turned her down. “And he didn’t offer to stay.” A bitterness she hadn’t felt in forever hit her, and she realized River was right. “I’m punishing him for not staying with me. For leaving me behind.”
“And there it is. You even got into a relationship right before he came back so you wouldn’t have to face him without a man on your arm.” River sat back against the headboard. “Honey, you and Ty have been fucked up forever. He was afraid the two of you would fall apart if you tried doing it long distance, and you asked him at the last possible moment because you thought if you were together, he wouldn’t leave you like your mom did. Like all of them did.”