Nate stopped, obviously waiting for some kind of a reply.
He didn’t have one.
“Michael, I have to ask…” Nate seemed determined to tiptoe around the real subject.
Michael simply waited. He wanted to hear Sheriff Wright say it. Needed to hear the words so they could sink in.
“Michael, did you know your partner was working for DiStefano?”
Yes, there it was. There was the question every single person he knew, had ever known, would ever know, would ask. The question that would sum up the rest of his fucking life.
“If I did, then I’m as much a criminal as she was. If I didn’t, then I’m not much of a marshal.”
Nate’s head shook. “That’s not true.”
But it was. “And she wasn’t merely my partner. She was my fiancée. I was planning to marry her. I thought I was in love with her. We spent most nights together, so I should have known.”
“She told Holly and Caleb that you didn’t know, but I had to ask the question.”
“Of course.” He felt like he was outside his body. Like he was saying words but they didn’t make sense because he was standing back and unable to feel anything. Shock. This was what shock felt like.
He’d seen it before. He’d seen it on the faces of survivors. It was the same expression on the faces of people who couldn’t believe someone they loved had done something criminal.
He’d known something was wrong with Jessie.
Or was he fooling himself again.
“Mike, you do understand that this wasn’t your fault, right?” Nate asked the question in a soothing tone, like the man was used to dealing with powder kegs and didn’t want the one sitting in front of him to go off.
What Nate didn’t understand was that he had nothing left. When he’d seen Jessie’s body, he’d howled his pain. He’d felt his body overcome with a wave of grief, and he’d let it all out.
Now he was numb. Blissfully so, in a way. It was good to stand outside of himself and feel nothing, to look at things logically.
He couldn’t go back home. He didn’t have anything to go home to. Jessie’s family had become his, and he couldn’t think about seeing them again. Not now. Oh, he would have to at some point. There would be a million questions he would have to answer, but he couldn’t go back to that house where he’d been the dumbass who let a criminal lead him around by the dick.
Half the shit in their house she’d picked out because she’d told him he had no taste at all. He’d been happy to let her do it. He’d given over so much of his life to her, and now he couldn’t go back to it. He’d been at his job for six years, and that was down the tubes.
“Hey, do you need a place to stay for the night?” Nate asked.
“Do you need anything else from me or can I go?” He wasn’t about to take charity from anyone, much less a man who could only look at him with pity.
That was what would happen if he went back to Florida. His teammates would look at him with pity. Or suspicion.
Nate studied him for a moment. “You’re going to be a hard one, aren’t you?”
He wasn’t sure what Nate meant. “Not at all. I’m willing to comply with any investigation you or the marshals require. If I’m found to be negligent, I’m willing to deal with those consequences. I allowed myself to be used to harm the person I was supposed to protect. I failed at my primary job.”
Nate pointed his way. “Yes, that’s the key word there. Used. You didn’t participate.”
Oh, but he had. He’d participated as often as she’d asked him. He’d given her cover even though he hadn’t realized he was doing it. “I should have known. I should have seen that something was going on. I certainly shouldn’t have trusted her.”
“You asked the woman to marry you,” Nate pointed out with a sigh. “Of course you trusted her. You loved her.”
That was his crime. He should have known what she was doing. He shouldn’t have trusted her in the first place. He’d known she wasn’t nice and often wasn’t kind, but he’d thought he was different. He’d thought he could smooth out her rough edges, thought he could change her.
He was a moron, and he’d almost cost Alexei Markov, Holly Lang, and Caleb Burke their lives.
Michael stood. “Well, that will teach me, won’t it, Sheriff. I’ll be around town if you need me.”
“You’re staying? I thought you would go back to your office.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. They might not fire me, but they won’t be able to trust me again. And I damn sure won’t trust myself.” He would find a place to stay around here. He had some money. Not a ton, but some. He could hide away and figure out what to do with the rest of his life.