I started giggling and couldn’t stop. Darius came over to ask what had set me off, and I gasped through my attempt at explaining. Once I’d started laughing, Felix had, too, and soon Max joined in. Before long, half the kitchen was in hysterics.
And then Granny held up her cookie dick.
Darius stared at the monstrosity. Somehow, Granny had managed to use frosting to glue two wreath cookies to the bottom of a candy cane cookie. She iced the entire thing in a horrid light pink she must have made with red and white, and then she sprinkled brown jimmies onto the wreaths and added marshmallow creme to the tip.
And that wasn’t the worst of it.
“I made a hole,” Irene said proudly, holding up a matching flesh-colored wreath cookie with chocolate jimmies sprinkled a little too liberally around the hole. “And the cookie dick fits in it perfectly.”
Granny’s eyes twinkled. “Slides right in like a treat.”
“Ouch,” someone muttered.
Darius opened his mouth to speak but paused for a moment as if gathering his thoughts. “Great. Great job, ladies. If only I’d known you’d want to make… adult-themed shapes, I could have whipped out some of my special cookie cutters for the occasion.”
“He said whipped,” someone snickered.
Dante Marian shook his head. “They’re like little boys playing with guns. You don’t have to give them actual dicks for them to make dicks with whatever they can find on hand.”
Now it was Tilly who snickered. “Dicks on hand.”
“I beg your pardon,” Granny said. “I made a feminine power bundle before I ventured into male genitalia.”
I grabbed Darius’s arm. “Don’t ask. I beg you.”
Granny didn’t wait to be asked anyway. “That’s the whole kit and caboodle. Vag, clit… well, here. Take a look.”
When she pulled another cookie from her plate, I gasped and looked away before getting up the nerve to peek again.
Darius’s sexy voice murmured in my ear. “Is that…”
I didn’t dare respond, but Jude made an affirmative noise. “Mmhm. Looks like the ball on top of Santa’s hat has been put to good use.”
MJ Wilde looked on appreciatively. “I’ll say. That’s one happy… hat. And are those…”
“All I had for the love flaps were these angel wings,” Granny explained. “But you gotta admit it’s downright appropriate.”
I blocked out the rest of her soliloquy on “the effervescence of lady spirits” and tried desperately to focus on painting my simple snowman. But at that point, all I could see was a bumpy butt plug shape, and the entire process had lost a little of its magic.
“Lior, you should post these on Instagram!” Granny suggested.
“And get dethroned,” Arthur said under his breath.
“No, thank you,” Lior said politely while perfecting Angela Merkel’s expression of dignified competence.
While helping clean up some of the trash around the counter and table, Tiller Raine asked Darius if Honey’s had an Instagram account. “Not for those, obviously,” he said, indicating the naughty cookies, “But for the rest of these and the class itself. Might be good PR if you want to book more cookie nights. The Riggers have a social media manager who was telling me just how influential the team’s Instagram account has become.”
Darius shook his head. “I haven’t had time to start much social media besides our website.”
Nico joined in. “Miller could help you start one. He manages the one for my tattoo shop now, and it’s been incredible. We had one before but just threw pics up there randomly when we remembered. Miller does like hashtags and special features and all kinds of shit. Plus, he showed us how to take better pictures in the first place. We’re getting inquiries from all over the country now, and our customers tag us in their own pics, too. He’s going to show us how to do TikTok next.”
I tried to focus on cleaning up my supplies, but I couldn’t help listening for Darius’s reply. “Really? I’d love to see the account. I’m a sucker for good ink, but maybe I can pick up some tips about posting, too.”
He sounded impressed, which made my gut clench pleasantly.
“Yeah, sure, but I’m telling you. Get Miller to hook you up. He’ll put linkie-things in your…” Nico looked down at my snowman butt plug cookie and cleared his throat. “Profile. And… what is that?”
“Snowman,” I said at the same time Felix said, “Ziggy anal plug,” without looking up from his stained glass masterpiece. “It’s made out of borosilicate glass and features three graduated bulb… never mind.”
I dropped my face in my hands. Darius’s deep, warm laugh washed over me as he snuck his arms around me from behind. His lips brushed the back of my neck, and I shuddered.
“Come home with me tonight,” he said softly enough that only I could hear him.
“You’re asking me to leave all this behind?” I asked with a hint of sarcasm. His laugh rumbled through my back.