Nico reached out and flicked West’s thigh. “I definitely did not. Meddling know-it-all.” He turned back to me. “My point is… you have to get past the anonymity and shallow phase with the people you meet, and that’s the hard part. Because when you make yourself vulnerable, you leave yourself open to disappointment. But being vulnerable is how you create intimacy. It’s a double-edged sword. You should try it.”
I nodded and tried not to think about Darius. The beautiful baker’s engaging smile was hard to forget, and if I was going to practice small-town vulnerability with anyone, I wanted it to be him. There’d been something… comforting and easy with him. It wasn’t like being around the Marians and Wildes. Being with Darius had felt… like I could let my shoulders down and exhale. Not that he didn’t also make my stomach tighten with an excited kind of attraction, too, because he totally did.
Maybe he’d be a good person to practice on since I’d never see him again. I could go back to the bakery the following morning and… what? Try to create intimacy while he was working his ass off baking during the holiday season?
Don’t be ridiculous, Miller.
I sighed. Surely, the man didn’t need to be the subject of my social experiment when he was trying to run a business. Besides, I was still in mourning for my mother. I still felt like I was in the bottom of a deep dark well that seemed nearly impossible to climb out of some days. And the idea of dating someone she’d never get to meet felt… not wrong, exactly, but weird.
“Sound too daunting?” Nico asked with a chuckle. “That’s an awfully big sigh.”
I flashed him an apologetic sigh. “No, it’s just… I met a guy, and I thought… well, it doesn’t matter. But I think you’re right. I need to get better at getting past the small talk. I don’t really know how, though, without sounding like a bumbling fool.”
Saint looked up from the box of ornaments he was sorting through on the floor near West’s feet. “Bumbling fools are pretty fucking sexy if you ask me.”
His husband, Augie, blushed deep red and elbowed him lightly.
“Preach,” AJ said from closer to the Christmas tree. Dante made a disgruntled noise in his throat.
“Mmhm,” Grandpa added, shooting a wink at Doc, who sat in a chair nearby.
Doc crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’ve never been a bumbling fool in my life.”
“I seem to recall a time several decades ago where you came across me and a ranch hand… conversing… in the barn. You bumbled your way into my… heart… pretty damned quick after that.”
“He means pants,” Gina muttered under her breath. “And the two of you are dirty, dirty old men. I know because I was there.”
Doc sat up straighter in his chair and pinned his grown daughter with a glare. “I beg your pardon, young lady. You most certainly were not there when he… when I… when we…”
“Conversed?” West suggested with a snort.
“Bumbled?” Saint guessed.
“Besides,” Doc continued, ignoring them both, “your mother approved of Major, Gina. She adored him.”
Gina came over to Doc and kissed the top of his head. “I know that, too,” she said gently. “And so do I. We couldn’t have been happier when Pop got into your… heart.”
Doc laughed and pretended to push her away. I looked around the room and realized just how much love was packed into the sunny space. No, I didn’t truly feel like one of them yet, but I couldn’t deny they were willing and welcoming enough to be ready for the time when I was.
I readjusted Reenie in my arms and stared down at her chubby face. One day I wanted what Nico and West had. Family, love, parenthood… maybe even owning my own business one day.
And if my daydreams the rest of that afternoon included one inked-up Greek baker covered in flour and sugar, nobody needed to know.
And if my fantasies much, much later that night in the privacy of my own room moved on to licking that flour and sugar off said baker… well, no one needed to know that either.
4
Darius
Miller was back. My heart jumped into my throat when I saw his nervous peek through the archway from the shop to the kitchen.
It was so early, the shop wasn’t even open yet. Hannah must have seen him outside and let him in. I’d lit the fire in the fireplace at least an hour ago, so the seating area would be plenty toasty by now.
“You here for Mikey’s order again?” I called through the archway, yanking off my headphones.
He held up his hands as if to stave off an attack. “No, no. I mean, yes, I am, but no, I know I’m early. Don’t… you don’t have to have it ready or anything. I just… I couldn’t sleep, so…”