“Fuck you!”
“What the hell did you want me to say in there?” Rayne growled, being very careful to keep his voice down. “To hell with Croft and the crown and everything else? That the only thing that matters to me is Eno Bevyn, and I don’t give a damn where he was born? That Eno owns my heart and soul so completely that holding my tongue in front of my king nearly broke everything inside of me?”
Eno took a breath to speak, but the words were caught behind the lump forming in his throat. They were standing close enough that he could see a sparkle of unshed tears in the jade-green eyes half-hidden behind smudged glasses.
“Have you already forgotten who I am?” Rayne whispered. “When we’re not alone, I am the king’s advisor. I am the one who is single-handedly attempting to guide an untried king through a war, a coup, and a meeting with a goddess. I’m not allowed to have feelings. My every thought has to be focused on what is best for Erya and what is best for Caelan.”
Eno tipped his head so that his lips brushed against Rayne’s as he spoke. “And what about when we’re alone?”
“Then I’m just a man, barely holding himself together out of fear of shaming the man who owns me. I’m hurting, angry, and worried for you. I hate the idea that anyone might question your honor because of where you were born. You’re above them all.”
Sitting on the edge of the sink, Eno spread his legs and pulled Rayne’s long, slender body between his knees, wrapping his arms around his waist. Rayne came easily, resting his head on Eno’s shoulder.
“Thank you,” Eno murmured into his neck. “I was afraid that maybe it bothered you.”
Rayne smacked him none too lightly on the back of the head and Eno jerked away, rubbing the spot. The advisor glared at him. “Idiot. You know better.”
Yes, he did know better. He hadn’t been thinking too clearly when the bomb had been dropped on his head. Something in him had been sure that he’d lose everything he’d ever worked for, that everything in his life had been a lie. And among them, his relationship with Rayne.
With a sigh, Rayne pulled out of his arms and once again attempted to jerk Eno’s shirt over his head. This time Eno allowed him, lifting his arms in the air. The grumpy advisor’s frown deepened as he took in the assortment of cuts, abrasions, and bruises that covered his torso. Eno had felt worse, but he could definitely do with a couple of days of sleep and not getting the shit knocked out of him. Preferably, some of that sleep would be enjoyed while wrapped around Rayne, but given there was just one bed in the suite and no privacy besides the bathroom, that was not going to happen.
Rayne pulled the first aid kit closer and started cleaning each one of Eno’s injuries whether they needed it or not. With time, Rayne’s movements became less jerky and some of the tension tightening his shoulders slipped away. Doing something to care for Eno was helping Rayne to calm, and Rayne’s gentle touch was working wonders for Eno’s own feelings of frustration.
“Do you think this will cause problems for Caelan?” Eno asked softly.
Rayne paused in the middle of adding more ointment to a cotton ball and stared at it in his fingers. “I don’t know. I suspect yes among some people. There will inevitably be people within the kingdom who think the same way as Croft, but is it a majority? I don’t believe so. But with everything such a tangled mess right now, I can’t begin to guess what the final tipping point might be. We have to proceed cautiously.”
“Thank you,” Eno murmured, drawing Rayne’s gaze to his face. There was a question in his eyes and Eno smiled. “For answering me truthfully. For not trying to sugarcoat it.”
Rayne resumed cleaning out a long, shallow cut on his forearm. “There is no benefit to either of us from me lying.” He tossed the cotton ball into the trash and grabbed a fresh one. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not being the man you need me to be. That I can’t—” Rayne broke off when Eno smacked him on the back of the head with his free hand.
“Idiot. You know better,” Eno chided with a smile. “You are exactly who I want you to be. I went into this with you with my eyes wide open. I have no regrets.” He shook his head, his smile becoming wry. “I might forget sometimes that you have to censor your words more than the rest of us. We don’t hold the kind of influence you do on Caelan.”
“That is probably for the best in all things,” Rayne muttered. He dropped his hand down to his side, still looking sad.