And this is why he and Caelan had always been destined to be best friends. Regardless of the mess that came out of his mouth, Caelan always seemed to understand exactly what he was trying to say.
Caelan’s shoulders lifted slightly in a shrug. “I’m okay. It’s all surreal. For some reason, this happening to Stormbreak never entered my mind. Maybe to Sirelis or somewhere in Ilon, but not here.”
“Because of the Godstone.”
“Because of my mom,” Caelan corrected. “I know you only saw her a couple of times, but you know she is—was.” He shook his head. “The idea that she would put up with any of this shit happening is ridiculous. She was always this…immovable force. A mountain. How…” His voice wavered and cut out completely.
“I’m sorry. Seriously. I know you didn’t get along with her, but she was still your mom.”
Caelan nodded. “I want to have a memorial service. It’s been so long since she was killed, and it feels horrible that we haven’t. That I haven’t actually mourned her. Her country hasn’t properly mourned her, but we can’t.”
“Hey, we will. I promise. Once we kick New Rosanthe to the curb, we’ll have an official day of mourning and spend a week celebrating all she did for the kingdom.”
A snort escaped Caelan. “She probably wouldn’t give a damn about the period of mourning or celebration. She’d be making demands about getting our defenses rebuilt and pointing out how the Emperor’s ambitions need to be curtailed.”
They fell into an easy silence, and Drayce’s thoughts traveled to the one thing he’d been trying to not think about.
The kiss.
Oh, he hadn’t wanted to talk about it while curled around the toilet bowl on the ship. And he still didn’t particularly want to talk about it now, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about it pretty much every free moment he had. There were also a few times when he’d been in the middle of trying to escape from the Empire, bullets flying over his head, that his mind still tried to conjure up the memory.
Some nights, he lay down, trying to recall the precise feel of Caelan’s lips against his. Had he really slid his tongue along Drayce’s?
And that smile that followed. Had he known all along that Drayce had been starving for such a kiss? Was it mocking? Teasing? Promising hundreds more exactly like it?
Why had he kissed him? He couldn’t believe that Caelan actually saw him as a potential love interest. Maybe he’d simply been afraid that he was going to die and he would have been happy kissing anyone. If Rayne or Eno had been on the roof with him, Caelan would have as easily kissed them, right?
The image of Caelan kissing Rayne flitted through Drayce’s brain, and something dark and ugly inside of him squashed it with extreme prejudice. Oh, hell fucking no. Caelan was not allowed to kiss Rayne. Or Eno, for that matter.
He’d even teased Caelan about being married off to Prince Shey. They would be a good match of equals and were probably of similar temperaments from what he knew of Shey, but even that idea made him sick to his stomach.
This was fucking ridiculous. He couldn’t be all possessive over Caelan. They were friends, but Caelan was the King of Erya. Well, he would be officially after the ascension ceremony, but that was only a formality. The point was that Caelan could have anyone he wanted. The idea that he wanted Drayce…
A low chuckle drew him from his swirling thoughts to see Caelan smiling at him.
“You are thinking so hard over there, I can smell your brain melting,” Caelan mocked.
“What? No. Shut up,” Drayce stammered, ignoring the rising heat in his cheeks. He hadn’t even realized he’d gone quiet for so long.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
“No, seriously. What are you thinking about?”
Drayce narrowed his eyes on his friend as an evil grin spread across his lips. Well, he’d asked for it. “Why did you kiss me?”
Caelan straightened, his eyes going wide while his cheeks beautifully flushed. “I-I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“I didn’t want to talk about it while I was puking my guts out and praying for death. I’m all better now, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Calean paced across the kitchen, moving around the center island with the marble top. The white cabinets made the room bright and airy, but they were using only the work light over the stove to brighten the room. Too many lights leaking through the drawn curtains might attract attention. Drayce watched his friend pass through the shadows, his dark limbs caressing his worried features.
“You promised this wasn’t going to ruin our friendship,” Caelan said cautiously.
“I don’t think it will. I’m wondering why you did it. Was it an ‘I’m gonna die and I want to kiss at least one person before I go’ kind of thing? Like it wasn’t personal or anything. If Rayne had been on the roof with you—”