I stopped trying to focus on the essay I was writing and dropped my face in my hands. This wasn’t good. What was he telling the dean? Would he get fired? Would I be expelled? Were they going to call me and ask for my side of the story?
My heart raced at the fact that I’d have to go back home. If I got expelled, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I’d worked my ass off to get into this college, and now I stood a chance of having it all go down the drain because I slept with my professor.
The door to my dorm swung open and Astrid walked in with a white Styrofoam to-go box in hand.
“Oh, hey!” Astrid sang, waltzing in and shutting the door behind her.
I forced a smile. “Hey.”
She placed her food down on the table between our beds and grabbed a hair tie to throw her hair into a messy bun. “Want some Chinese?”
“No, I’m good, but thanks.”
Astrid shrugged and picked up her box, digging right into the noodles with her chopsticks.
I sat up higher in my chair, watching her eat a moment before saying, “Hey, Astrid…do you remember what you asked me last night?”
“Last night?” Her brows dipped with confusion. “Oh, shit, Zara. What did I say? I get so stupid when I’m drunk, so I’m sorry if I said something rude.”
“No, it wasn’t anything rude. It’s just…well, you asked me if I had secrets…”
Astrid narrowed her eyes after taking a bite of lo mein. “I did?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm.”
“Did you ask that because of Alisha?”
As soon as I said Alisha’s name, Astrid’s eyes stretched wide and she dropped her chopsticks to cup her mouth. “Oh my gosh!”
“What?” I asked, sitting up higher in my chair.
“Alisha! She showed me pictures a few nights ago of you talking to some guy—um, Professor Grant, right?”
“She showed them to you?”
“Yes, she was showing them to everyone at the kickback. She kept saying how she was sure you guys were messing around with each other, but the photos weren’t that serious. It just looked like you two were having a heated discussion or something.”
“Oh.” My heart sank.
Astrid hurried to stand and sat on the edge of my bed, close to the desk chair I was sitting in. “Is it true then? Are you sleeping with him?”
I avoided her eyes, staring down at the notes written in my notebook in pink glitter ink instead. I didn’t want to admit it. I mean, I trusted Astrid enough, but not to the point where I was comfortable telling her the truth. She could go back to Alisha to confirm it, or even use my words against me somehow.
“Zara, listen…if that guy is taking advantage of you—”
“What?” I snapped, finally meeting her eyes. “Astrid, no. He isn’t taking advantage of me.”
“Then what’s going on? Alisha has everyone thinking he’s forced you into doing stuff.”
“He never forced me to do anything! God, this is ridiculous!” I tugged at the roots of my hair, shaking my head. “Look, not that it’s yours or Alisha’s business, but what Professor Grant and I did was consensual. And it’s over now.”
Astrid’s eyes widened. “Um…okay.”
I inhaled slowly before exhaling then dropped my elbow on the desktop.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have told a soul, Zara. And with those pictures, I could have covered for you. I could have told Alisha you had, like, a study thing going on with him or something.”
“There’s no point in lying anymore, Astrid. Lying is why we’re here. And no offense, but I wasn’t sure whether to trust you or not.”
“Of course you can trust me. That shit is none of my business, and if you were happy, then fuck it. I respect that. Fuck the school rules.” Astrid grinned, and I couldn’t help smiling with her. “Did he take your virginity?”
“Astrid!” I yelled. God, she was so blunt.
“What? I’m just asking! The one time we talked about sex, you told me you were a virgin.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not anymore,” I said.
“Ho-ly shit!” Astrid clutched herself and laughed. “You lost your v-card to a fucking professor! Dude! Do you know how hot that is?”
“Stop. It was just sex! And shush before someone hears you!”
“Yeah, sex with a hot, older, smart-as-fuck guy. Don’t knock that shit. Own that shit.”
“I can’t own it.” I gave her a worried glance. “I think I’m gonna get expelled for it. Alisha probably told the dean.”
Astrid’s smile dropped. “No way. If she did that, she’s an ultra bitch.”
“She saw us in his class. We weren’t doing anything serious, but she made a point that she was going to tell the dean. Last I spoke to Cole, he said he was going to handle it.”
“Jesus. You guys are on first-name terms?”
“Astrid.” I gave her a serious stare.
“Okay, okay—look, don’t stress it, okay. Do you trust the guy?”