“It is—well, it was!”
My throat thickened with emotion. “I don’t understand, Cole. If it’s because I said I’m falling in love with you then I’m sorry, but I don’t regret it. I’ve been in love with you for months!”
He shook his head, turning away.
I stepped forward. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same way.”
“Jesus, Zara! Of course I feel the same way! Of course I’m falling for you too! But I can’t…I can’t act on it anymore. I can’t do this—pretend all of this is okay. I thought by going to Orlando with you, it would get you out of my system, but now…I just…I feel like I really fucked up and we’re both in way too deep. It’s better to stop this now.”
“So…you really think all of this was a mistake?” I asked, on the verge of breaking down.
Cole sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Zara,” he said calmly. “You and I both knew this would have to end way before it even started.”
All words lodged in my throat. I didn’t even know what to say. All I could do was stare at him, shocked and hurt. Of course I knew. Of course I had it in mind that this would end one day, but I didn’t think it would end like this.
“You’re pushing me away,” I said defiantly.
“Zara, please—”
“You are, Cole! You’re pushing me away because you’ve told yourself you don’t commit. Is that right? You grew up in a broken home with parents who weren’t good to you, and now you’re afraid!”
“Hey, watch it!” he snapped back.
“Well, it’s true! As soon as I told you how I really felt, you were prepared to run!”
Cole scoffed and stared at me with damp gray eyes, and I stared back. I wanted him to say something—anything—but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
“You know what? Fuck this.” I spun on my heel and stormed to his room.
“Zara, wait! I didn’t—”
Whatever he was going to say was cut off by the slam of the bathroom door. I leaned back and swiped furiously at my tears. If anyone was stupid, it was me. I’d let myself get carried away when I should’ve been paying more attention to the signs. Any time I brought up my feelings to him, he’d change the subject or gloss over it.
I shook my head and stared at my messy appearance. My hair was all over the place, my face tear-stained, and I could feel the stickiness of Cole and me between my legs. I locked the bathroom door and ignored Cole when he knocked. I took a shower, cleaned myself up, and cried until my eyes were tight and burning.
I knew falling in love over a weekend was ridiculous, but when I thought back, my love for him hadn’t started the past weekend. It had started in the weeks leading up to the weekend, even if I didn’t recognize it at first.
I spent a weekend in bed with my English professor and then got upset when he didn’t reciprocate my feelings. It was textbook idiocy, and I’d read enough romance novels to know how this story ended.
I blew out a breath before opening the bathroom door and halted when Cole was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head hung low.
I walked around him and took out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Then I packed the clothes I’d previously had on in my suitcase before zipping it up loudly, letting it be clear I was leaving immediately.
“Zara, let me explain,” Cole pleaded.
“You don’t have to. You said everything I needed to hear, and you’re right. This was a mistake. You could lose your job, and I could get expelled, so—”
“No,” he snapped, standing up. “I mean, yes, those are risks, but that’s not what I was talking about when I said this was a mistake.”
I raised my brows and crossed my arms over my chest, allowing him the chance to explain.
“I—” Cole rubbed both his hands down his face. “It’s just that I can’t give you what you want, Zara.”
I frowned. “I haven’t asked you for anything, Cole. All I did was tell you how I felt, but apparently, that’s too damn much for you.”
“You want a commitment, Zara, and I’m not the guy for that.”
Ugh. He was starting to sound like the guys my age, which actually made me angry because he was a grown-ass man, not a college frat boy.
“I can’t do this,” I grumbled. I stormed past him with my suitcase and walked out of the room before Cole could say anything else that would hurt me.
“Zara, listen—”
“I just want to leave, Cole. I need to go.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” he blurted out.
“Then what do you want?” I snapped.
26
Cole
Zara threw her hands in the air, looking me hard in the eyes. She asked me what I wanted, and the answer was on the tip of my tongue. You. I want you. But I couldn’t tell her that.