I wanted to tell him yes, but not only was I worried this would shift the dynamic and even my future, I didn’t even have the money for a trip like that.
I figured I could start with the finance issue to warm the topic, so I sent him a text back.
That sounds really nice…but I’m so broke. I hardly even have money to pay for a cup of coffee this week. LOL.
* * *
He only took a minute to reply, which proved he was serious about this—that he’d been eagerly awaiting my reply.
* * *
Cole:
Don’t worry about money. I’ll cover everything. Promise.
* * *
Me:
Are you sure? Then I’d feel like I owe you.
* * *
Cole:
I’m positive. Money is a non-factor.
All I want to know is if you’ll join me, but it’s okay if you aren’t comfortable doing that. I’ll respect whatever decision you make.
* * *
I sighed and sat on the edge of my bed. I swung my eyes up to Astrid’s bed. She wasn’t there, but her bed was made. She’d either left early in the morning or the night before after I’d fallen asleep, most likely to meet the friend who’d called her.
Why couldn’t I be like Astrid? The kind of girl who didn’t have to think twice about doing things and just did them—or didn’t—when she wanted to.
Maybe that was what I needed, to think like Astrid and not make every situation so complicated or dramatic.
I read Cole’s message again and then responded.
* * *
Me:
OK. I’ll be happy to go with you, Cole.
15
Zara
I was nervous. My suitcase was packed, the handle of it locked in my hand as I stepped off the shuttle and stood at one of the many entrances to the airport.
I lifted the ticket in my other hand and felt my heart jump to my throat. There were only three days of school that week due to spring break, and on both days, Cole cut class short because he had meetings, which gave us all ample time to complete our essays before turning them in the night before.
But it left little time for me to talk to him between classes. He was busy preparing for spring break, grading essays, and many other things, so I didn’t bother him. Plus, I had to make sure my essay was up to par, so we didn’t text much.
Now, all the hunkering down was over, the stress had ceased—well, for the essays and tests anyway—and we were on spring break.
I had to meet him at the airport. He didn’t think it was wise for him to pick me up at school, and I agreed. I didn’t want anyone seeing him, so I told him I’d meet him there.
But now, as I stood in front of the airport, I was second-guessing this decision. I liked Professor Grant a lot, but going into this airport was going to blur a line I wasn’t sure I wanted to blur. I loved the simpleness of our kisses in the library, our stolen glances and the secret looks we gave each other that only we understood. Who was to say that after this trip was over, he would look at me the same? Treat me the same?
Who was to say he couldn’t just snatch my virginity away from me—something I held close—and never talk to me again? I knew he was a good man…but he also had responsibilities, and what we were doing was already wrong. If we got caught, it would ruin us.
Sighing, I walked into the busy airport and found a restroom. A woman walked out as I was going in, and I forced a smile at her before standing in front of the mirror.
I looked great. I had tried really hard, and though it took me nearly ten minutes, I managed to get my contacts in. I’d twisted my hair the night before so it would be big and curly, and I’d even put on makeup. I looked really nice, and it was all for him.
I dug into my tote bag and took out a container of lip gloss, applying it to my lips and then taking another look at my reflection.
I smiled. Hey, even if things didn’t work out after this trip or he suddenly distanced himself, it would be fine. He had an important job, and I had to be realistic enough to know he wasn’t going to risk it all over me—one girl out of many other students who needed his guidance.
Astrid would have jumped at the chance and taken it in stride, and I wanted to be like Astrid. I wanted to live my life, have fun, and take it all with a grain of salt. What will be will be, and what doesn’t last simply doesn’t last.
But why did that last part suddenly make me so damn nervous?