But maybe this isn’t as crazy as I think it is. This is meant to be, I feel it. I already feel like I can’t live without her. This was always written in the stars, and these obstacles in our way are meant to make us consider what we truly want. But I know for sure that this is what I want, what I need.
I’ve never needed anything more.
Chapter Five
August
My hands are shaking as I try to get ready as quickly as possible. I wasn’t expecting to see Ethan again today, as much as I was hoping that I would. I’d resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to wait until tomorrow night to see him again.
But when I saw him standing out there in the street, waiting for me, my heart filled with so much emotion that I felt tears in my eyes when I stepped back from the window to get ready.
I don’t know what it means, the fact that he came to find me tonight, but I know one thing for sure. He didn’t come all this way for nothing. He didn’t hunt me down in the night just to say hello. Tonight is going to mean something, I’m sure of it.
Maybe he’ll fall for me. Maybe he’ll sweep me off my feet the way I’ve dreamed that he would for the past few years of my life. Maybe he’ll kiss me in the street because there’s no one around to care if he does. Out here, we’re free to do whatever we want. My dad never has to know.
I feel a stab of guilt as I slip into my sparkly dress and quickly do my makeup. If my dad could see me now, rushing to get ready to see his best friend in a totally inappropriate way, I know he’d be hurt. He wouldn’t understand. But I’ve loved Ethan since I learned how to love. I’m not a child anymore, and I have needs, wants, and it all comes back to Ethan. And now, I don’t think there’s any turning back. I want this too much.
And I’m going to get it, no matter the consequences.
I’m finally ready to go. I stand in front of my mirror. Before when I stood here, I managed to convince myself that I was beautiful. Now, I believe it. Now that a man like Ethan has searched all night for me, I feel so special. Maybe I’m looking too much into what this means, but I’m clinging on to the hope that he might want me the way that I want him. If I give him enough time maybe he’ll love me as much as I love him.
I head downstairs to meet him, my legs shaking. I didn’t have time to prepare for this. At least when I thought I had until tomorrow night to get ready, I might have been able to control my nerves. But now, butterflies roam free in my stomach, and my cheeks are red just at the thought of him seeing me like this. I remind myself that the last time I saw him, I wasn’t prepared either, and it led to him spending his whole evening tracking me down. That has to mean something.
I step out into the warm summer air. Ethan looks handsome, if a little disheveled, in his white shirt and dress pants. I guess he just always looks good. I watch his dark eyes travel over my body, taking me in, admiring me. There’s something in his eyes…a kind of heat to his gaze. Is it lust? I’ve waited so long to have someone look at me the way he’s looking at me now. I’m overwhelmed by how good it feels to be wanted this way.
“Good evening, August,” he says in a husky voice. “You look beautiful. Shall we get dinner?”
I nod wordlessly. I’m unable to speak. He’s stunned me into silence. This all feels so wrong, and yet so right. And when he slips his arm through mine, guiding me to the restaurant downtown, I feel my heart hitch in my chest.
I’ve never been this close to a man, not in this way. I can feel the heat radiating off his body. Can he feel the slight tremble in mine that’s been present since he walked back into my life? I hope not. I don’t want him to know how nervous I am. I don’t want him to sense just how much this all means to me. Because once he realizes how invested I am, I think I’ll scare him off.
We don’t say much as we walk to the restaurant. It’s a beautiful night, perfect for an evening walk, but he’s the only thing on my mind. I still can’t fathom why he’s here now. If he wants me, then why doesn’t he just take me? Surely he knows he can have whatever he wants from anyone he wants? If he told me to go home with him now, to make love to him all night, I’d say yes in a heartbeat. If he ordered me to get down on my knees and pleasure him, I’d do it gladly. If he told me that he wanted to fuck me all night long, I wouldn’t even hesitate before saying yes. I’ve dreamed of all these scenarios for such a long time. The idea that some of them might finally come true is almost too much to handle.