The fierce look on her face caused Joey see her in a new light. This was the before-suburbia Ellen. “No, he—told everyone I was his sweetheart.”
Her mother’s eyebrows disappeared under her thick fringe of bangs. “So this is serious,” she asked. Her voice softened and lowered to a near whisper.
“I don’t know. Maybe?” Joey said. The last thing she wanted to do was invest more than Moose. That would only lead to serious heartache. She relayed the story.
Her mother listened while rising and moving silently around the kitchen as she made them mugs of coffee. She placed Joey’s favorite Jack Skellington mug in front of her and sat back down. “God. I always hated whores like that. There are some of us sweet butts who had dignity. We kept our business to ourselves and acted selectively as we tried to land ourselves an old lady title,” her mother said.
Joey saw her mother in a new light. “How long where you a—sweet butt?”
“Years, I grew up in it. You know. So at first, none of the guys would bite. I was the go-to girl, running errands, mixing drinks and cleaning the clubhouse.”
Joey stored the information, desperate to learn more about this mysterious part of her mother’s life. She wanted to know what had changed things.
“But that’s enough of an old lady’s tale. This is about you. You’re scared of him now? What he’s capable of?” her mother asked.
“Yes. I mean—I’d be a fool to assume he wouldn’t turn on me, right?” Joey said, tentatively. She stared at her mother, silently begging for reassurance and guidance.
Her mother set her cup of coffee in front of her and leaned against the counter. “I didn’t want this life for you for this very reason. That world…it’s not predictable or sane by normal standards. They get rough and they don’t take shit. You step to them while running your mouth and rocking ships, they’re going to shut you down whether you have a penis or a vagina. It’s just the way of their world,” her mother said honestly. She never sugar-coated things. It was a trait Joey grew to appreciate and trust.
“Mom, are you actually saying it’s okay?” Joey whispered.
“No, morality isn’t the issue. I’m giving it to you black and white. I don’t think you’d ever be as stupid as Red was, so no…I don’t think it’d come up between the two of you, but I can’t speak to his temperament.”
“I’ve never seen him fly off the handle. Not even falling-down drunk,” Joey said, eager to defend his character.
“Then I think you should trust your gut. What do you think?” her mother said, turning the tables.
“I think he’d wreck anyone who’d raise a hand to me, and doing it himself would be counterproductive,” Joey said, slowly working through the jumbled thoughts in her brain that concerned Moose.
“You love him?” her mother said. She covered her mouth.
“No, but I could. Easily, and that’s what scares me,” Joey said.
“Do you want to ride it out or bail? Because now would be the time to get out. If you let it go any longer, you might find he won’t let you go,” her mother said.
The words should have terrified her, but instead they filled her with excitement. The thought of belonging to someone so completely was all she had ever truly wanted deep down in the hidden spaces of her soul, where no one could see. “Why aren’t you telling me to run, Mom?”
“Because you’re smarter than I ever was and there’s something to being loved by a man like that. They don’t do half-ass and if you can capture their heart…” Her mother trailed off. She peered off into the distance. “It’s the most beautiful connection in the world,” she whispered.
“And you don’t mind me being in that world?” Joey asked.
“I’ve come to realize no matter what we do, we end up right where we’re supposed to be.”
The cryptic words made Joey long to know more of her mother’s story.
“Are you going to go talk to him tomorrow?” her mother asked.
“Yes, but what do I even say?” Joey said with a shrug.
“What do you want?” her mother asked.
“To be with him, that’s all I really know for certain,” Joey answered firmly. “God, I’m crazy aren’t I?”
“No,” her mother said. A soft smile lined her lips. “Tell him that and live in the moment. Life is too much for anything else.”
“God, Mom, how can you be so sure?”
“You’re thirty years old and I’ve never seen you like this about anyone else. It’s something that should be explored further,” her mother said.