“Where does that leave us?” I asked.
With a half shrug, she replied, “Two people who are going to have a baby.”
Closing my eyes, I balled my fists and counted to ten before I looked at her.
“That’s it? What are we, Scarlett? Friends? Lovers? Two people trying to figure this out and start over?”
“You’ve hurt me more than once, Trevor. I know you didn’t promise me anything, but I felt something between us and I let myself fall in…”
Her voice trailed off.
“You let yourself fall in what?”
Tears pooled in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t. I fucked up, I get that. I was confused. Hell, I’m still confused. You’re the only woman in my life who has ever made me want more and that scares me, Scarlett. I left the bar the other night to find you, to tell you I’m sorry I messed things up with us. To beg you to give me one more chance. I was scared of my feelings, and I finally admitted it to myself. That night I realized how much I cared for you, I was scared.”
“Why?” she asked, her voice almost a plea.
“Why what?”
“Why does that scare you?”
“I don’t know! Because if I give you my heart and you leave me, I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to survive. It would destroy me, Scarlett.”
She inhaled sharply and a tear fell, then another. My whole damn world felt like it was tipped over because I was upsetting her.
I pulled her into my arms and held her.
“Please don’t cry, baby. I hate making you cry, and I do it all the damn time.”
Her hands came up and she gripped onto my T-shirt as she buried her head into my chest.
“You have to know I’ve never done this before, Scarlett, and I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m going to fuck up, but I swear to you I’ll never hurt you again.”
When she pulled back, she bit down on her lip before saying, “I wish I could I believe you. You have no idea how much I wish I could believe you, but I can’t.”
My legs about went out from under me.
“What?” I whispered, a feeling of dread settled into my chest.
“At least, not right now. There’s so much going on, and I’m not sure if you’re feeling this way because you feel obligated to the baby.”
“Scarlett, I lov—”
Her hand covered my mouth. Shaking her head, she whispered, “Please don’t say it. Not now. Not when we are in this weird, unknown place. The only time I ever want to hear you say that again is when you know one-hundred percent that the words you speak are from your heart.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I knew I loved her. Hell, I fell for her that day outside of Lilly’s when I kissed her.
“Please, Trevor.”
I pulled her hand away from my mouth. “I’m not going to promise you that I won’t tell you I love you, because I do love you.”
Her eyes closed.
“Scarlett, look at me.”
She swallowed hard, then opened her eyes.
“I love you, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I didn’t have my shit figured out and it took a while for me to come around. I can’t change any of that. I need you to know, though, I wanted to tell you this the other night before I found out about the baby. The night I saw you at Maebh’s restaurant.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. I gently wiped it away.
“Do you love me, Scarlett?”
Her head dropped, and I lifted her chin so that she was forced to look at me.
“Do you love me? Please just answer that one question.”
Trembling, she whispered, “Yes, I love you.”
I let out the breath I was holding. Then she stepped away from me.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can’t play tug of war with you anymore, Trevor. I want you to be a part of the baby’s life, but right now, I don’t think you can be a part of mine.”
“Scarlett, please.”
My voice cracked as she shook her head.
Turning away, I closed my eyes and tried to take a few deep breaths. The back of my throat burned as I fought to keep my own tears at bay.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood in her kitchen before Scarlett finally spoke.
“We need to tell our parents before they hear it from someone else.”
With a nod, I turned and looked at her. She looked tired and worn out.
“Okay, let’s do that together.”
“My father is going to expect things, and I think we need to be prepared for him to be rather upset when he finds out we’re not getting married.”
I swallowed hard. The thought of marrying someone just a month ago would have made me break out in hives. Now everything was different